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Title: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: Dave44 on February 12, 2013, 12:53:30 PM Isn't BPD essentially codependency with a twist? I mean they bother share most of the same traits. Fear of abandonment, low self esteem, seeking happiness in others, no sense of self etc etc. The more I read about the two the more similar they seem. Thoughts?
Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: Somewhere on February 12, 2013, 10:14:02 PM Kind of reversed and interlocked.
The utlimate victim meets the ultimate rescuer. high-jinks ensue. video at 10 pm. Stay tuned. Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: Take2 on February 13, 2013, 08:14:58 PM Definitely very similar in many ways... . My relationship with my exBPDbf was the perfect union of dysfunctional personalities... .
Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: Truth in Ruin on February 15, 2013, 09:59:53 AM Not even close! EXTREME fear of abandonment. Black and White thinking(all good, or all bad). Cant love like an adult.
Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: Changed4safety on February 15, 2013, 05:56:46 PM Yep, perfect victim plus perfect rescuer. A match made in... . well... .
These two types find each other because they fulfill one another's (unhealthy) needs. I'm codependent, working on it, found myself a beautiful broken boy who said I was the one he'd prayed to find. He was BPD, needed someone to constantly reassure him that he was OK, tend to him, sacrifice to him to prove my love. My therapist says it's extremely common for these two types to find each other. Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: nolisan on February 16, 2013, 02:14:55 AM My exBPD went to CoDA (codependants anon). Maybe looking for "new meat".
I remember asking her: "Am I codependant?" "Oh No ansolutely not!" Of course not - I was paying her mortgage! She needed me to be sick. When I slowed down the rescueing she pulled away. Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: MaybeSo on February 16, 2013, 02:28:58 AM A rescuer needs a victim, and a victim needs a rescuer.
Under it all, both have rescue fantasies, Co's sacrifice self as a lived out hope that someone will eventually do the same for them (rescue them/ sacrifice for them) In any case, Both need to establish a relationship with self, and learn self care... . as a Developmental requirement of adult relating. Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: Changed4safety on February 16, 2013, 12:29:04 PM A rescuer needs a victim, and a victim needs a rescuer. Under it all, both have rescue fantasies, Co's sacrifice self as a lived out hope that someone will eventually do the same for them (rescue them/ sacrifice for them) In any case, Both need to establish a relationship with self, and learn self care... . as a Developmental requirement of adult relating. This. I'm currently wrestling with shame that my "giving" was at least in part selfish. I needed to be told I was wonderful, kind, compassionate, etc. That's a hard pill to swallow. Once my mind clears a little and I can get my responsibilities under my belt, I am going to look into volunteering, where you don't get that "hit" but can still do something good. Shift my "rescuing" tendencies. I'm going to lose my dear old cat soon, when he is gone I might go volunteer at a shelter. Title: Re: Isn't it just the same as codependency? Post by: nolisan on February 16, 2013, 08:18:21 PM A r/s with a pwBPD is the Crack Cocaine of Codependance and/or Love & sex Addiction.
No wonder the aftermath is so brutal - worse than withdrawing from a strong narcotic. |