BPDFamily.com

If you believe in Emotional Cheating... .  

Since they are so emotionally unstable... .  

Do you think it's easier for people with BPD to "fall victim" to this type of Infidelity?

Yes. Even though the BPD will deny it or choose to believe there is no such thing as emotional affairs, just a friend rather. I do believe they fall for this as they need it to feel wanted still.

I would witness mine hitting on men right in front of me and then deny it, that it meant nothing.

ultimately she had two emotional affairs that led to two break UPS. Not sure about physical level of the first but the physical betrayal of the second was confirmed by her office mate.

Emotional cheating is the gateway drug to full blown cheating

I don't know if it's a BPD criterion.  But it was absolutely the reason I couldn't take the relationship any longer.  She had at least 5 or 6 guys texting her on a regular basis, including her ex.  I asked her to stop it.  She'd say OK, then we'd be out somewhere.  She'd get a text from a guy and hide her phone.  She took her phone with her to the bathroom and slept with it under her pillow. 

She said she couldn't stop them from texting her.  I said yes, she could.  I said tell them you have a boyfriend and out of respect for the him, you cannot text them any longer. 

We talked about it in therapy and the therapist suggested "full disclosure" so I could trust her.  After therapy, rather than show me her text messages, she showed me her list of contacts (all male except for family) and explained her relationship with each one.

I did not press for her to show me the content.  I knew she was hiding something which was enough.

She also hugged her boss and co-worker goodbye after work all the time from what I could see. 

Played online games with ex while lying in bed next to me.

Etc.

Hi Drain, my BPD gal would never cheat on me. But she did totaly idealize a new friend to the point that i thought she was gay. "I miss u sweetie" text first thing in the morning. She thought the girl was perfect. I told her that her friend was shady. then she saw her hit and run someone, and realized that her friend wasnt a GOD, but only a human.

Someone made a tools in the toolshed analogy on this board and emotional cheating is or would be related to this.

If s/he isn't getting what they want (in the BPD sense), they are more likely to simply find a new 'tool' to suit their needs.

Lawnmowing is finished and now they need to prune the hedges, what do they do?

Well, a lawnmower can't mow the hedges too well, so it's off to find either some pruning shears (emotional cheating) or a power tool (emotional and physical) to get the 'job' done.

It's a very object-oriented way to see it, but that is, essentially, what happens and if you happen to have a group of mutual friends, you can see this very thing in action as the pwBPD 'moves through' the circle of friends.  Hates one loves another.  Loves one hates the other.  Next, next, next, next, and if/when s/he runs out of friends or 'tools', they can flip out and then try and cling and shuffle people around yet again.  Loving one to make them stay and hating the other, etc.

Yes


I agree

I think BPD's are more prone because it is a way of getting validation for their crazy feelings and warped reality.

I think they are fairly loyal in the initial stage of the R/S, during the idolizing and mirroring, but when their partner shows a flaw and they start devaluing and persecuting, that's when they cast an eye elsewhere, I guess as a back up plan