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While I have tried to go NC in the past, it was simply me not responding (and failing).

Last night, after being told all day long why I am so unworthy of being with anyone, and baited when I attempted to just not respond to make him stop the cruel texts, I finally responded and told him that if he does not apologize to me for the cruel comments he made regarding things he should have done (and I suspect likely did do) with other girls, then to not bother contacting me again. 

His comments yesterday were of course during his explosion after I responded to his comments about how awful I am all day - by pointing out to him that I am aware of a lie he just told to me.  When I spelled it out for him, it was as if I never mentioned it, and he just exploded with cruelty. 

I'm done.  I am so so sick of being an emotional punching bag... .  

I tried to pull back and not justify or defend myself to make the rage stop but when he kept it coming, I had to respond and simply state what I refuse to accept anymore.

Wish me luck on staying strong at work today... .  ! 

i do wish you luck... .  

its probably easier NOT to respond, not to do anything, just go on with your life. NC is hard, you may never get the apology you are looking for, but that is ok, I think you know deep down he does not want to take resposibility, yes, maybe the blame game and calling you names and what not. Just dont' respond, dont even look at the

texts then you won't have to respond. This is a tough path you are on, but I am rooting for you to stay strong!

You are still participating in the dance, until you stop he will not.

I failed... .  and without a doubt I still participated in the dance... .  

I don't understand how he is so good at pushing the exact buttons called for, or if I just got worn down ... .  but I wound up defeated and licking my wounds... .  

It got ugly.

He feels compelled to keep telling me over and over and over how awful I am

Its soo incredibly hard NOT to fight back and defend myself.

And I know that never works out well... .  

And I was accused of new men I am clearly (not) having an affair with... .  

I will keep trying.

I don't have anything left in me today... .  

Will try again today to be successful... .    I can only control myself and my own responses (or lack thereof) and my own emotions... .     It's SO much easier to detach from someone when you aren't around them at work every single day... .     I know that's an excuse, but it's so true... .   

I feel strong... .  and I feel like by posting it will help me stay stronger today... .     :)

I know I said I wasn't posting anymore, but I feel so strongly in support of your decision to finally say 'Enough!' that I just had to tell you:  'Good Luck, expect to fall but also expect to get up and dust yourself off'. You're right, it is damned hard to detach when you have to see him every day, but it can be done. As proof, today is the one-year anniversary of the day I moved out and started caring for myself more than the lost cause that was my r/s with a man incapable of giving back. It can be done and you will be where I am before you know it. I'll be thinking of you as I celebrate the anniversary of the best decision I ever made for myself.

  |iiii

Every new day gives you a change for success!

I broke no contact many times... .