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Title: Hopeful signs in counseling Post by: sanemom on February 14, 2013, 10:05:49 AM After FOUR long months asking for counseling between DH and DSD, the GAL finally recommended it. In the meantime, DSD has been seeing her own individual counselor, who, as far as we can tell, is buying BPD mom's stories (and probably moreso because DSD is still enmeshed). The boys have been seeing another counselor with DH (who tried to get their mom to come, but mom refused), and I think DH is going to request this counselor to work with DSD and him.
The counselor who has been seeing the boys told DH that DSS12 has good coping--he blows off what his mom says and doesn't really listen to her. She said that DSS14 is still such a people pleaser that he is having a hard time. And I guess based on what she is hearing from the boys, she let DH know that if she starts working with DSD and him, she thinks that DSD has to stay in denial to remain close to her mom (so he should not expect her to come out of denial anytime soon). Now we don't really know what the boys have been telling her so I am not sure what BPD mom says that DSS12 "blows off" or DSS14 "has a hard time with because he is a people pleaser", but at least she is seeing the dynamic... . and it isn't just DH and I letting her know that their mom lies and tries to manipulate them because it sounds like she sees it, too. I suggested to DH that he sign off for this counselor to speak with DSD's counselor--DSD's counselor may be more likely to listen to another counselor's understanding (based on talks with the boys) than to DH. I guess I am finally hopeful that the GAL will start hearing from the counselors about what we thought was so obvious from the beginning. AND... . I am most hopeful that DSS14 will start asserting himself more and DSD and DH can heal. Title: Re: Hopeful signs in counseling Post by: Matt on February 14, 2013, 11:10:02 PM That sounds encouraging.
It might not go very fast, but I think it's good to work toward everything being pretty much out in the open. Your husband won't want to overwhelm the counselor with the whole story in the first hour, but just talking openly with her and SD, over time, will probably help a lot. And I also think you're right about the counselors talking with each other - that's likely to lead to exposure of false stuff. Title: Re: Hopeful signs in counseling Post by: sanemom on February 16, 2013, 04:22:28 PM After FOUR long months asking for counseling between DH and DSD, the GAL finally recommended it. I spoke too soon. The GAL told our lawyer he was going to recommend counseling on Tuesday morning. As of Friday, he has yet to write the recommendation up. I am sure that BPD mom's counsel is fighting the recommendation once again. Our GAL is so annoying and slow. Title: Re: Hopeful signs in counseling Post by: Matt on February 16, 2013, 04:27:13 PM After FOUR long months asking for counseling between DH and DSD, the GAL finally recommended it. I spoke too soon. The GAL told our lawyer he was going to recommend counseling on Tuesday morning. As of Friday, he has yet to write the recommendation up. I am sure that BPD mom's counsel is fighting the recommendation once again. Our GAL is so annoying and slow. What did your lawyer do when the Tuesday commitment passed? From: Attorney To: GAL Last week you told me that you would be making a recommendation regarding counseling. When will you be submitting that recommendation? Thank you, Lawyer Some attorneys are good at following up to keep things moving. Some aren't. You might have to be the lawyer's reminder. |