BPDFamily.com

 I had a few panges and twinges on Valentines Day - recalling last year and my 1 year r/s with a cPTSD/BPD witch/queen. A year of extasy and agony - something I will never forget and something that has been transformative.

But the r/s ended suddenly. There was no closure. Lots of unanswered questions and mystery. Strict NC (she threatened to involve the police if I tried). I have maintained that for 4 months and it is for the best.

But ... .  there is phanton pain. Like feeling pain in a leg that has been amputated and is long gone.

So last night I laid awake thinking of her; the darkness and the light. Finally I fell into a fitful sleep. In the morning I had a really vivid dream.

We were at a resort. Somehow I heard that one of her spiritual leaders had died and there was a bus leaving for the funeral in  a few minutes. We rushed to get our things together and headed for the bus. I forgot something and ran back to get it and then ran to catch the bus.

It was pulling away. I saw her in the window. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other. We gave each other a gentle wave as the bus pulled away. I knew I would never see her again.

I woke up right then. A warm wave of acceptance and closure swept through my body. We had parted as friends - the way it was meant to be - the soul love we had for each other below the stormy seas of mental illness and ego. Our true selves.

Goddbye my friend - fare ye well. I'll love you forever.

You have a good heart.

Good bye my friend, indeed.

Go dream other dreams, and better.

That is beautiful, thank you for sharing! 

Your words, "the soul love we had for each other, underneath the stormy seas of mental illness and ego," I believe in such things, and I believe you touched it. 

Turn away from the bus and stride toward your own adventure.