BPDFamily.com

I don't know if being chronically "ill" is part of BPD... .  I came down with a really bad cold/laryngitis this past week, and suddenly my BPDh has the same thing... .  it's like it's a competition who is sicker or more tired or something. I've always noticed that over the years. I'm hardly ever sick, and get weary of his complaints at times. He seems to need more sleep than most, etc. He'll go for a couple of days where he can't get anything done because he "doesn't feel well", then he'll have a really productive day... .  it's frustrating to me who likes consistency and reliability- not a trait in BPD, I realize, thus my frequent frustration!

I can only speak to my experiences, and I am sure it has to do w mirroring... .  yes, i experience this w my uBPDh... .  anytime a member of the household is sick, contagious or not, he seems to be "ill." He has some chronic health problems so I am sure he does not feel well frequently (he doesn't take very good care of himself-I do tend to "caretake" for him).  He will almost always ask me what I think is causing his physical ailments or what I think will fix it.  "Take your medicine like you are supposed to, exercise, eat regular meals, quit drinking".  His mom is exactly the same and he complains about her "attention-seeking."  He doesn't seem to recognize the pattern!

My husband always seems to be sick. He will go weeks without lifting a finger because he doesn't feel good. We have been to sevral doctos, had many tests done. They can't find anything wrong with him and I mean nothing. So he wants a second opinion and another test done that they already did because apparently since they didn't find anything, that means they did it wrong. If I get a cold or a sore throat, he automatically starts feeling it too and will act like I have lice or something. When he doesn't feel good he will complain constantly and go into great detail about how he doesn't feel good. I mean he goes into great detail and just won't let it go. He will use very strange words to describe how he feels too. He's told me his stomach feels like plastic. I'm not really sure what that means. He gets very angry with me if I don't show him sympathy when he is explaining to me that he doesn't feel good. He never feels good, and he doesn't exactly take care of himself, so it gets really old listening to it. He's started to say that he can't breath and he is having a problem with his lungs. He's smokes a pack a day and he wouldn't dream of quitting. His doctor suspects that his cigarettes are what is causing his extreme stomach pain too. Is he going to quit. Well why would he do that, it would make him feel better. He often uses I don't feel good as a reason to get out of therpay and even family get togethers that he doesn't want to go to.

I hear all of your frustration!

Something that has helped me is to validate then detach... .  

ex: Yikes, that has to hurt, the worst headache ever... .    I can see how being in a bowling alley would be the last place you'd want to be.  If it gets better let me know, okay?  Gosh, I hope my average improves this week. Wish me luck *blows kiss*

La la la, then off to the lanes I go... .  

Also, FWIW, having crummy mental health can make your physical health worse.  I know my wife has been hospitalized a few times for stress related symptoms bad enough that they needed to get her to the ER before they deal with the mental health stuff.  Then, there's the fact that paying attention to whatever neuroses came up that week means that less attention is paid to physical health.  As a result, more things come out of nowhere, and the consequences tend to be worse.