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Title: need help--forgot to turn on magicjack before work Post by: crazymade on February 21, 2013, 12:59:15 PM Well, i forgot to turn on magic jack before i left for work. BPD husband doesn't like it when i forget to do it. doesn't happen very often, but husband gets scared when he can't get a hold of me. it's hooked to my computer, and sometimes he forgets the password.
Andy ideas, applications of SET, in case he is mad? last time this happened it put him in a rage. Thank you all! i've been thinking all day on how to handle this. Title: Re: need help--forgot to turn on magicjack before work Post by: charred on February 21, 2013, 02:37:00 PM Well, i forgot to turn on magic jack before i left for work. BPD husband doesn't like it when i forget to do it. doesn't happen very often, but husband gets scared when he can't get a hold of me. it's hooked to my computer, and sometimes he forgets the password. Andy ideas, applications of SET, in case he is mad? last time this happened it put him in a rage. Thank you all! i've been thinking all day on how to handle this. For about $70 they have the new one that runs independent of the computer... might be worth it. Title: Re: need help--forgot to turn on magicjack before work Post by: Grey Kitty on February 21, 2013, 03:35:07 PM Be ready to validate how difficult and stressful it is for him to be unable to reach you.
And be ready NOT to argue that it was an "innocent" or "accidental" mistake on your part. That would be invalidating and set him off or escalate him further. Title: Re: need help--forgot to turn on magicjack before work Post by: laelle on February 21, 2013, 03:38:24 PM I have gotten that reaction before as well when I didnt receive an email. Why is it invalidating to say your sorry, you didnt get the email or something like that. I have never understood why I end up with a few hours of being ignored after I say that.
Title: Re: need help--forgot to turn on magicjack before work Post by: Grey Kitty on February 21, 2013, 05:28:36 PM I have gotten that reaction before as well when I didnt receive an email. Why is it invalidating to say your sorry, you didnt get the email or something like that. I have never understood why I end up with a few hours of being ignored after I say that. It is invalidating because you they are feeling hurt or upset. Their feeling is a real legitimate feeling. Nothing about the feeling itself is wrong. The invalidation is that you are telling them they shouldn't have that feeling. A good validating response would address their feeling, and explain how you understand how hurt (or scared or angry, etc) they are feeling. If you point out how your action wasn't supposed to bring out that feeling, that doesn't help their feelings in any way. Note: I'm not saying that the rage/silent treatment/whatever which follows is justified. Just that the feeling is real and validating the feeling helps the situation! |