BPDFamily.com

I mentioned 2010's posts about "lonely child" to my therapist. She's pretty good at acknowledging the basic relationship dynamic of my BPD experience. But since we are focusing on me at the therapy sessions, I thought a discussion of "lonely child" might be helpful. I have no idea if I have this "lonely child" problem but if I do, it's understandable. I suffered no abuse as a child but there was chaos in my family and I did tend to spend a lot of time alone. And 2010's description of the "lonely child" as being "understanding driven" fits me perfectly.

But my T had never heard this term "lonely child" within the context of professional psychology. So I'm wondering if this was 2010's own construct or does it appear outside of 2010's posts. I'd like to give my T a reference besides the anonymous posts of a very helpful poster on an internet forum.

I believe 2010 was referring to The Lonely Child from  Schema Therapy originated by Jeffrey Young.

can you link me to 2010's lonely child post? i cant seem to find it

Waitaminute -

I brought up 2010's post and the lonely child schema with T just today. Imagine my surprise to see your post.

My T was familiar with Schema Therapy and nodded as I told him my identification with the lonely child as 2012 presented it.

Fakename -

I noticed you hit 50 posts earlier and wondered about seeing you here. Lol.  Here is the link:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.0

Just read through the first page until you hit 2010's post.  It's worth the read.

Daze

some/most of it is the 8th post on this link

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.

thanks for the link... .  

so i read the lonely child post.

i definitly see how i relate to the lonely child


i also recall thinking at times how it seemed as though on certain matters, my ex didnt have her own voice. like she would agree with me on stupid stuff. but she did have own own core thoughts i think? i felt like most the mirroring would be in matters of opinion like that while i hate tom cruise, i respect cause he became a success from nothing. (but i dont really think that as mirroring, cause once anyone learns about someone else, they can develop a sense of respect)

im a pretty boring guy, so not sure where else she was mirroring me... .  either way, i had the atittude that she could do whatever she wanted and say whatever she wanted, and i had a love or fondness for her taste or style or opinion.  the girl was perfect in my eyes no matter what.

im trying to figure out, is the only way a borderline can be in a healthy relationship is if she has 3 people in her triangle?  but that doesnt explain how she didnt cheat on her ex before me... .  i know they fought a lot and she was controlling and sensitive, but why didnt she cheat? she told me she was trying to become a better person... .  

on my mind this morning is how she would talk about how she added value to the people in her past relationships, and she would ask how she added to me, and we were left wondering. i know she made me feel more full and i thought there was a love there that could grow, didnt realize it was just her filling her needs.

i'm gonna have to re-read the lonely child post a couple times, it makes a lot of sense to me, but my mind went into a cloud... .  

im just so mixed on whether she really is trying to become a better person or if she just needs to use me.  i mean, one email about chantix and then disappears no doubt because she can occupy her time otherwise, or deep down she knows she doesnt want to be with me