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Title: Family Birthday demon Post by: survivorof2 on February 22, 2013, 08:04:55 AM Been awhile since I've posted.
Did you know that there is a family birthday demon that inhabits my family on birthdays? When I still had to do with uBPDm on her birthday, she would spew rage at me on her birthday EVERY time I would give her presents or wish her happy birthday and of course tell me I ruined her birthday even though I was usually the only one who attempted to "celebrate" her birthday. Well, the family birthday demon has skipped a generation and inhabited our DD. For her birthday, we sent a card and I made homemade chocolate candy and sent it to her. When I called to see if she'd gotten the candy, she flew into a rageful hateful vent for almost an hour! I tried talking logically to her and asked her several times how we could help and but she kept saying she was done and it was final and she wasn't going to talk to me for a long time because her birthday was ruined? By the way, DD lived with uBPDgrandparents, her brother and myself from the time she was 20 months until she was 18, which is when the police helped us get away... . long story... read other of my posts. uBPD grandparents are really really sick people. So much damage and still making me the scapegoat... Wow... . all I can say is wow... Title: Re: Family Birthday demon Post by: P.F.Change on February 22, 2013, 08:10:01 AM It must be hard to see your child behaving like your mother. I imagine it opens old wounds to have your gifts unappreciated... . that must hurt.
You say your DD raged for an hour. Any reason you chose to listen to that? Wishing you peace, PF Title: Re: Family Birthday demon Post by: survivorof2 on February 22, 2013, 08:48:56 AM P.F.Change:
Thank you for your kind words. The phone call ended when I broke down crying so hard I couldn't speak. Why did I choose to listen to her ranting? Until she hung up, I still thought maybe I could help her in some way. But I realize that she wasn't listening and it was so sad for her and sad for me. We had been talking regularly on the phone, and I thought we had made some progress and she was kind to me most of the time. But according to what she said last nite, I think she was just pretending to be kind. The quote of the phone call was: "you're just the woman hit_ (her dad's first name) got pregnant and I'm the result". Working at my sanity today... . will not be pulled under ever again Title: Re: Family Birthday demon Post by: P.F.Change on February 22, 2013, 08:15:12 PM Some very hurtful things were said. She may have meant them in the moment and might mean something else tomorrow. Who knows how consistent her attitudes are... . It sounds like she lacks emotional maturity.
Have you learned anything valuable from the interaction? For example, does it really help either of you when you let her rage at you? Do you have the power to "get through" to her? Can you manage her moods? What do you want things to look like moving forward--how will you take care of you? PF Title: Re: Family Birthday demon Post by: survivorof2 on February 27, 2013, 12:16:40 PM Excerpt Have you learned anything valuable from the interaction? Yes. I haven't wanted to admit it, but she is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. Excerpt does it really help either of you when you let her rage at you? Honestly, I don't think it helped either of us. I think she feels about how someone feels after they've vomited. Me, I still dirty from the vomit. Excerpt Do you have the power to "get through" to her? No I don't think I have power in her life. The evil in my FOO is so strong and she is believing them so much that she has become their spokesperson to me from them. Excerpt Can you manage her moods? Nope, I'm powerless to manage her moods, only mine. Excerpt What do you want things to look like moving forward--how will you take care of you? Won't be answering her phone calls until I have assurance that she understands (from an email I sent her) that what she did is wrong and I won't tolerate it... . so I guess I've gone to LC with my own DD. What has been difficult is my DH was within earshot of the conversation (my side) and was in agony hearing what was going on and how I suffered. I've had more opportunity to process it, but he is struggling and just says he wishes he could have gotten me to hang up the phone so I wouldn't have had to suffer. I guess I thought it only affected me and no one else. But it did affect DH greatly also. As far as taking care of me... . I kept my regular schedule and connected with my good friends this week... . went to lunch, talked to several of them about the situation,etc. Trying to keep my regular usual schedule of healthy things I normally do... . in spite of how I feel (still somewhat numb, hurt, and angry). The FOO's goal is to divide DH and I by whatever means possible... . even using our very own flesh and blood. So sad that she is blind to their evil. |