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Title: Revenge Letters I Never Sent (but wanted to) Post by: nolisan on February 23, 2013, 03:40:48 AM One of the coolest gifts I got out of a very difficult and abusive r/s with a BPD woman was recognizing, and even accepting, the fact that I have a dark side. I used to place myself on a pedestal that I was a Real Nice Guy not like so many other of the worlds unwashed Nasties.
This really came out in the first few months post betrayal / abandonment. Revenge fantasies! 1. A letter to a Mediation Society she was volunteering with asking them to help me recover money that she still owes me and promised in writing to pay back. Damn it - that would fix her! 2. A letter to her husband telling he we had lots of unprotected sex and I'm positive. Snort. 3. A letter to her telling her my cancer had returned and that I was leaving all my estate to her. But if she contacted me I would void the will. 4. A letter of gratitude expressing how her nastiness had brought about a "spiritual awakening" and my life was incredibly wonderful (and I was getting married to a great woman). 5. How I had been saved by joining an Evangelical Church and they had broken the evil spell she had cast on me (she was a Witch and despised / feared Christians). And married a good Christian woman of course. Ouch! 5b. And the sex with the new Christian wife was even better than her strange kinkiness. Double Ouch! ... . etc, etc. These thoughts and scheming have fallen away. When they pop up occasionally I can laugh at them now. But it is sobering to know that I harbor a dark side ... . Today I think I'll just forgive her ... . nothing will annoy her more lol. Who said there isn't any "fun" in "dysfunction"? Title: Re: Revenge Letters I Never Sent (but wanted to) Post by: blecker on February 23, 2013, 10:14:18 AM When my imagination finally finished with thoughts of her was the moment I began to see hope in my life.
While I wrestled with my resentments and all sorts of thoughts to seek justice, I was still a slave to her dysfunction and really couldn't see why I became a part of this tragedy. It is always a good day to imagine good things. Title: Re: Revenge Letters I Never Sent (but wanted to) Post by: broken but not beaten on February 23, 2013, 04:31:21 PM In my desperate need for validation of what I suspected I wanted to go visit ex uBPDgf prev partners,I searched online found addresses but didn't follow through. I wanted to get revenge and hurt her,I still do at times but if I can walk away and get out with my sanity and my head held high then I can come out of this a better person I hope
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