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Title: A positive baby step today Post by: Changed4safety on February 24, 2013, 06:39:50 PM My ex, whom I am in low contact with (moreso recently with the impending death of a cat we both adore) posted the following on his FB at 3:00 am last night:
"Being a screw-up and a failure never stops hurting. Especially when things were going so well. The crash is always harder." He is bipolar (although my therapist claims that is code for BPD) and the last time he felt like this, we had a huge fight over how I didn't respond properly. Today I let others post reassurances on his wall, then said something about how he had many people who cared about him, including me, and who are hoping that he has a better day today. It was all I could do not to call him and fall all over him, feeling this almost desperate urge for him to be OK. And anxiety about it--whenever he got like this, whatever I did was the "wrong thing." So I spent the day trying not to think about it and still doing so. This afternoon, he posted a sincere thank you to everyone for being there for him, and that part of bipolar was voicing the depression and riding it out. No specific reaching out to me, even though we've been talking more than we have in a long while. :) I am proud of him for not doing that, and for getting through it largely on his own (that I know of... . ). Proud of me for not falling into the "old pattern." As the saying goes, "You can't fix anyone, you can only love them." Title: Re: A positive baby step today Post by: GreenMango on February 25, 2013, 02:47:32 AM Changed
It's good you know your limits. Keep taking good care of you. Title: Re: A positive baby step today Post by: Traye on February 25, 2013, 02:50:00 AM Bravo for keeping your distance and protecting yourself.
Title: Re: A positive baby step today Post by: Changed4safety on February 25, 2013, 07:55:07 AM Further thought: He's just ducky fine now like it didn't ever happen. And he's always been this way. I'm the one who always bore the scars. So yeah, this is more than a baby step for me. Next time, I will remember this incident and behave in the same way, with even less stress over it. Because I know it's the right thing to do for me. Because whatever I did wouldn't MATTER to him in the long run, he'd be mad or hurt regardless of what I did, and then fine regardless of what I did. The suffering I'm alleviating isn't his... . it's mine! :light:
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