BPDFamily.com

This is first post here but I am in desperate need of some advice from people more experienced with dealing with someone with a wife who has BPD. The back story is we met and instantly fell in love. She was very up front with her BPD but went ahead with our relationship any way. We were married after two years of dating. We did have some rough patches as she had cheated on me on multiple occasions with her ex but we worked through it and became closer then ever. After we were married we moved across country for my job and things were great. We promised to always be honest with each other. But just recently she told me how she was having cyber sex with a couple of guys online even exchanging pictures. Again I forgave her because she promised me it was over and she wouldn't do it again and I knew it was her BPD and not anything to so with me. With my new job it has me being gone for four days at a time so today she admits to me how she almost had sex with her exes before we left and that she didn't stop talking with one of the other guys. She pushed me and pushed me and out of rage I told her I wanted to end our relationship. She began to tell me how sorry she was it happened how its a compulsion and impulsive thing. She then was telling me how I never cared for or loved her and how I abandoned her. I do want to work this out but I don't know how to fix this or what to expect next any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated because this is extremely hurtful and she saying how she wishes she never met me or see me and how I ruined everything. How I made the biggest mistake of my life and she wants me to suffer. Please help

Hi Msmart, impulsive behaviors are one of the hallmarks of BPD.  I'm not sure that there's much chance that your wife can really get over it, especially when it has happened so many times.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.   If your wife is open to behavioral therapy, then there's a small chance that she might get better, but it would take a lot of commitment on her part.

Thank you for your advice. I think for the sake of my sanity and my life that is the boundary that I will have to establish as I don't deserve this hurt over and over again. As far as ending this marriage if she doesn't agree to seek help what more can I expect from her?

Again, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you should expect more of the same.  People with BPD want their significant others to enable their bad behaviors, and by staying, you'd basically be telling her that you'll probably be willing to forgive her if it happens again, which isn't to say that I don't believe in forgiveness (I certainly do), but there has to be real remorse to deserve forgiveness, and people with BPD will typically ultimately perform the same actions again.

Thank you again for you prompt advice. I think it's time I really start to think about myself.