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Think I was doing well, but past week have been really depressed.

I don't know if it's coming to terms with it was all a lie, that he does not care, and the abandoment

I just feel so low  :'(

This is a very normal part of the grieving process.  It is not pleasant, yet it is something we all have bouts with as we grieve and try to detach from our relationships.

It is important that you recognize this is a temporary feeling, and allow yourself to work through it.  This is what will propel you to grow and move onto feeling better.

How long has it been since you've broken up with your ex, and have you had any recent happenings that might have triggered your depression?

It will be 6 weeks this week. He got in contact a few weeks ago with drunken texts, which I seemed to cope with fine. Saying (I know we ain't spoke for a while, I love you, lets move in together blah blah, and then accusing me of seeing my friend. I never replied to the drunk texts. And never heard nothing off him until last Tue

So last Tue I got a 'mistake' text that was not meant for me. I replied (1st time) to say. Please delete my number. Thank you. Then got another text saying 'For what it's worth I'm sorry' then went on to say. 'MIGHT have been a big mistake' then went on to say 'Hope I'm happy with HIM and everything'

I didn't reply to that text and I've heard nothing since

Just has messed my head up. I know deep down he does not care. I've been discarded

Just is hurting alot again

How someone can spend so much time and money and effort to get you back, promising you everything. Was a long history, then just to cut you off and run like that?

Has made my own self worth about as low as you can get

Just seems to have got to me

I understand those feelings.  We all want it to 'make sense', and when it doesn't, it can have an impact on our emotional stability.  Balancing our emotions and our rational thinking can be challenging.  This is when you have to understand that his mental illness guides his behavior, and has little to do with what we might view as rational.  

One of the biggest obstacles that most pwBPD cannot get over is maintaining a healthy relationship.  Many times, they 'run' when they are faced with conflict, their fear of abandonment or intimacy, or many of the other challenges that are just too much for them to overcome.  Their actions and behaviors are not about you.  This is a hard realization, but one that might help you not take it personally in a way that will effect your feelings of self-worth.  

Wish it would make sense. But I don't think I'll ever truly will get my head round it.

I do see the pattern though, he idolized me, then went to devaluing me and then finally discarded

Just have to come to terms with it was all a lie

It just he told me his 'job was his other half now' and I need to 'let go'

So why send them texts? and go silent on me again?

It's like a sick game

It's not a game.  These are typical responses based upon their instability.  Add in alcohol, and you have a mess.  In the moment, he most likely is truly feeling as he says he's feeling, however, those feelings come and go and are replaced with defensive behaviors.

It's a roller coaster, and one I would like to believe that deep down, you are thankful to have gotten off of.

I am thankful. But in a way I'm not, he worked very hard to get my trust and love back. So not only broken my heart for a 2nd time he abandoned me.

I know its for best I really do, just obviously hurts how someone can do that to a person, when he knew I wasn't in a great place anyway

Having a bit of a better day today, don't feel like crying lol

Just have to get past the anger/upset stage

I think the questioning is the worst, why, what, how etc. As saw in another thread, there is no logic. So i'll never know