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Title: The "Radio Silence"... What makes it so difficult? Post by: findingmyselfagain on February 25, 2013, 10:16:03 AM The intense SILENCE is something that still messes with me. It's a good bit easier as time has passed. It just seems so surreal at times. One minute things were golden. The next minute I couldn't even get a kiss. And I was the same guy I was the whole time. It's hard to FEEL the actual "break" in the relationship. It was just mind-boggling at the time. But it mirrors so many of the stories here. It's evidence of just how broken this person was.
I'm not sure exactly why it's been so difficult for me. Maybe in some sense I believe I failed, but I know I was a good mate. Maybe it's human to want to make sense of things. I tthink it's really just that hard to believe for me. Intellectually I understand the dynamic. That what helps me to push forward and heal and learn new skills. But it truthfully isn't that easy and the abrupt crazy ending is a lot of it. I have to accept that the only logic to the disorder is that there is no logic. It's getting easier. It's just not easy. I'm hoping that it's evidence that I do attach in a normal way. I just need a truly healthy r/s with a healthy person. Title: Re: The "Radio Silence"... What makes it so difficult? Post by: Discarded26 on February 25, 2013, 10:35:57 AM The intense SILENCE is something that still messes with me. It's a good bit easier as time has passed. It just seems so surreal at times. One minute things were golden. The next minute I couldn't even get a kiss. And I was the same guy I was the whole time. It's hard to FEEL the actual "break" in the relationship. It was just mind-boggling at the time. But it mirrors so many of the stories here. It's evidence of just how broken this person was. I'm not sure exactly why it's been so difficult for me. Maybe in some sense I believe I failed, but I know I was a good mate. Maybe it's human to want to make sense of things. I tthink it's really just that hard to believe for me. Intellectually I understand the dynamic. That what helps me to push forward and heal and learn new skills. But it truthfully isn't that easy and the abrupt crazy ending is a lot of it. I have to accept that the only logic to the disorder is that there is no logic. It's getting easier. It's just not easy. I'm hoping that it's evidence that I do attach in a normal way. I just need a truly healthy r/s with a healthy person. That's very true, there is no logic Why it's so hard to wrap your head around it Title: Re: The "Radio Silence"... What makes it so difficult? Post by: bb12 on February 25, 2013, 09:22:50 PM Hey Findingmyselfagain, I'm coming to the same conclusion. I have been on the receiving end of the silent treatment for over a year now and it can still hurt.
But I needed something like this to slap me awake from very poor r/ship choices. I worked on myself. Still do. Decided I was very codependent and read up on everything I could find. I am at a point now where I am conscious of my decisions and primed for very real gown up love... . for the first time. But I am also coming to the belief that my ex's damage was so significant that even the healthiest person would have struggled to make sense of the ending. My FOO led me to choose poorly and ignore the red flags, but that's about all. But the devaluation and discard could not have been avoided. I am letting myself off the hook in those regards. But surviving the silent treatment has got to be the toughest thing I have ever experienced. I feel I am awake to all kinds of abuse now and simply won't let anyone so broken into my life again. And that any pain caused to me by a healthy person will be manageable - as I've experienced worse bb12 |