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Is anyone else having money issues with their pwPBD? I feel like our financial situation its getting worse and worse and H isn't helping. He has champagne dreams and a beer budget. Trying to plan big vacations, but can't pay the fine to get his car registration cleared. Won't do the extra work to get the fine reduced, and has completely ignored the fact that car instance was due a week ago and he hasn't paid.

Sorry, I'm just laying hear thinking and had to vent. I'm just so frustrated financially, and i can't seem to express that to him without causing a problem. I have no savings, and lube paycheck to paycheck making sure rent, daycare, car insurance, my car note, groceries, etc... .  you get the picture. Meanwhile, he's constantly getting late notices in the mail. Sigh... .  guess I'll try to get some sleep now

Hi laidee, my ex-gf definitely had a problem with impulsively spending money on travel.  She always told me that she needed my help paying for things like medical expenses and auto repair bills, but she always had money to pay for another trip.  She never understood that normal people don't/can't take trips like that all the time, and even her own friends would ask me how we could afford to take so many vacations.

She eventually started taking trips without me because I refused to keep spending all my money traveling, but she still had the nerve to ask me in November for money for her car down payment because she said she had no money.  I told her that I'd give it to her if she promised not to book any more trips for another year.  In December, she booked a trip for this past January (ugh), and I said that I wasn't going to waste more money just to go with her.  When she came back from the trip, she told me that she had fallen in love with the organizer of the trip and that she was leaving me for him, and we broke up.  Imagine what it's like to feel like you gave your significant other the money to meet someone else to fall in love with.  Yeah, that's what happened to me.

WT,

What a jacked up situation. I'm so sorry you were played like that. And the unfortunate party is that they see nothing wrong. Stay strong!

My ex was a compulsive spender, fell behind on the bills and had large debt.  She is high functioning and earns a lot of money, that is why it initially did not worry me but eventually she managed to spend a lot more than we were making.

hithere -

Similar situation. My H was always a big spender, but he always had money. Then 6 months after we were married, it all fell apart. And i've been left to carry the load, while he still tries to showboat. It seems that they like to appear to the outside world like they have it all.

Same story here. My H had a decent job when we met, then once we got married and he relocated, he couldnt find a job so easy, then he spent YEARS not even bothering to try. Now he is finally employed working a whopping 25 hours a week while I work 2 jobs trying to keep us afloat. He has always complained about us being broke all the time, but hes never the one to go without the things he wants, thats the role I get to play. Any normal married couple in my situation, the one working 2 jobs would think, "now I can quit that 2nd job", but not me, because of him. Due to the way he is, I can't count on him to keep his job, he could quit or get fired at any moment and he wouldn't even care.

they do financially drain alot of us Non's... .  its happened to me, I gave up a great paying job to move to another state, and bam, years later i was still looking for a job, living off of credit card bills and miserable. In hindsight, never give up a dream job and always make sure your partner pays their fair share!

Thanks laidee.  I got over it fairly quickly but I was devastated at first.  This forum actually really helped me a lot after I saw how similar my story was to a lot of people's.  I hope that you'll find a way to get through to your husband before his financial irresponsibility becomes too much of a burden to handle.

It is comforting to know that I am not the only one going thru this. Thanks all   

Guilt and wanting to rescue/save him has played a big part I'm our latest financial downfall. Hopefully it's not too late to salvage some of my credit and sanity lol. Wasn't too smart to put his car in my name smh

Are you able to establish some boundaries around money? Separate accounts?

Yes, i have some boundaries set. We no longer have a joint account, mainly because i was the one adding to it and he was constantly over-drawing from it. So separate accounts. I no longer allow credit card to be used. I used to give it to him for gas and things like that, but I'm the only one paying it. And i did not let him know i got a raise. I felt bad about that initially, but i need whatever extra money i get to just maintain from day to day and try to build a savings back up.

We split our accounts like this in August; however, our issue was over his excessive spending on marijuana.  That's what he spent all the $ on, so the substance abuse makes it a different ballgame.  I am now three weeks out of a 10 year marriage - it wasn't so much over money, but the spending and addiction to pot was a factor. 

Good for you for splitting money.  I sure wish I had done it long ago.