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Title: Feeling kind of lost and down this evening Post by: SarahinMA on February 26, 2013, 06:33:41 PM Sorry all,
I hate to use this forum to vent about my own personal life, but in all honesty, I'm not sure who else to talk to. I came across my ex's online dating profile today and it literally shocked me. I mean, I almost fell out of my seat. Since he so cruelly broke my heart, lacking any empathy for my feelings, I just have kept telling myself that he is incapable of real love. He told me repeatedly before we dated that he had always been single and lonely and that I was the best thing that happened to him. Then, he was done. Just told me he no longer felt the spark for me (after telling me that I was the love of his life)... . at the same time, told me he that he always just told me what i wanted to hear. The breakup got messy... . I was so hurt and angry while he kept playing victim and blaming me. He always had a support system of close-knit friends that stood by his side... . I never really had that. A part of me secretly hoped that he would recycle me, or at least try to. But nothing... . never. If he ever missed me in the slightest, he never made it known. After two years of being together. I knew he would have a hard time dating because he's incredibly shy and insecure. But seeing his online dating profile made him seem normal. He's just like everyone else- he wants to find a girlfriend. He wants to find someone new. I've been repeatedly trying to find some validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation), but he really just didn't want to be with ME anymore. He was so good at making me feel that there was a mutual love there and now I know there wasn't. It just kind of put things in perspective seeing that profile. I seriously hate that we have so many mutual friends... . i hate that my close friends are friends with him and see him on a normal basis... . and they don't care about the way he treated me at the end. I hate that he doesn't care if I'm in his life or not. And I hate that I legitimately want him to be happy, even after all the pain he's caused in my life. Thanks for baring with me. It helps to write it out. :) Title: Re: Feeling kind of lost and down this evening Post by: mango_flower on February 26, 2013, 06:48:15 PM Hi Sarah, how long has it been? It's 3.5 months for me and I am only just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it still is far away!
I hear you. It hurts. And you WILL be ok. xxx Title: Re: Feeling kind of lost and down this evening Post by: almost789 on February 26, 2013, 08:22:19 PM Im sorry Sarah. Your just like most of us here. I found mine checking his email on his profile when I was still with him! Believe me you have missed absolutely nothing but more and worse pain with recycling. They say its worse each time and I found that to be true. I dont even know why mine tried to recycle, he treated me worse than before and I would get angry, and then hed blame me for being angry, the recycles are just a big fat mess. Nothing to envy whatsoever. I became as another poster said his whipping boy or girl rather. They like to provoke this anger in you, it somehow makes them feel better.
Title: Re: Feeling kind of lost and down this evening Post by: Clearmind on February 26, 2013, 08:58:44 PM My ex also found online dating - his profile was an interesting read - I never knew he was huge into yoga
I never recycled with my ex and while he attempted contact one occassion I had everything blocked from day 1. Sarah, sorry to hear you found the profile - BPD is a disorder of the personality and the next person will see exactly what you saw. Are you able to do something nice for yourself, visit a friend? |