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Title: what is this? Post by: trevjim on February 28, 2013, 11:19:25 AM I was watching a tv show, and it showed a very attractive woman, and she had a problem, she was taking medication for a disorder, not sure what. But she was well, a damsel in distress.
So the issue for me is, I found the fact that she had a problem, made her more attractive in my eyes. This isn't the first time I've noticed myself fancy woman like that more than 'healthy' people. What is it in me that makes me want these woman with red flags? Title: Re: what is this? Post by: MaybeSo on February 28, 2013, 11:29:52 AM Did you take care of a parent or other important person while growing up, emotionally or physically?
Title: Re: what is this? Post by: trevjim on February 28, 2013, 11:44:06 AM Did you take care of a parent or other important person while growing up, emotionally or physically? Nope not at all really Title: Re: what is this? Post by: LetItBe on February 28, 2013, 12:10:05 PM My uBPDbf is attracted to displays of vulnerability. In fact, I have a thread on the Staying Board right now about triangulation with a female coworker of his who he says has been manipulating him -- but that he "still wants to help." She claimed she was diagnosed bipolar and that she had a history of manipulating people but no longer does that. So -- damsel in distress? My take on it (for him) is that he's a very compassionate guy, and also, perhaps it helps him bolster his sense of self-worth (which he struggles with) when he's able to help.
I'm a helper, too. I did have a history of looking out for my mom and my sister when I was a child. Title: Re: what is this? Post by: HowPredictable on February 28, 2013, 05:44:23 PM If your attraction isn't due to familiarity (in the sense that you had someone in your FOO who fit that same "damsel-in-distress" persona), then the appeal sometimes stems from a need to obtain personal validation through helping others. That sounds very simplistic, but it's often based in a deep-rooted lack of core self, and relates to a sense of self-worth being derived from the assistance you can give to others. "Vulnerable Narcissism" is the more technical term used on these Boards; you may want to look it up to see whether it resonates.
Title: Re: what is this? Post by: trevjim on February 28, 2013, 06:10:19 PM If your attraction isn't due to familiarity (in the sense that you had someone in your FOO who fit that same "damsel-in-distress" persona), then the appeal sometimes stems from a need to obtain personal validation through helping others. That sounds very simplistic, but it's often based in a deep-rooted lack of core self, and relates to a sense of self-worth being derived from the assistance you can give to others. "Vulnerable Narcissism" is the more technical term used on these Boards; you may want to look it up to see whether it resonates. Thank you for the replies everyone. I think i am a bit vulnerable narcissism. I don't have a lot of self esteem and I feel one of the reasons i find it hard to let of of my BPDex, is that she fed me ego big time. That and I'm lonely child. Not sure how I can make myself better though. |