BPDFamily.com

So today I went for a walk as I had been inside all day and felt like a bit of exercise. I choose to go to the beach as its good to walk along the promenade.

However I ended up walking past a patio and bench section that was where myself and my ex shared our first kiss. I completley forgot about it and it really felt like a knife through the heart. Its not the first time a location has reminded me of her, we went to so many places together. Will this get better in time?

Also I find it so unfair that I'm going through all this heartbreak and sorrow, Ye she is from what I last heard from her, happy and in love.

It will get better. I know it from my previous experience (non-BPD).

I now live in a relatively small city where I've visited all the best places with the BPD.

Most of them are within walking distance from where I live.

The other night I went outside for a smoke and walked by the restaurant, actually the very table behind the glass, where we celebrated our engagement after re-uniting post the first major breakup. It did invoke something in me, but not much.

It does get better.

I remember after one of my breakups (non-BPD) it was even difficult to drive to and from work every day because I would get an anxiety attack every time I passed her exit on 101.

Your brain retrains itself and drops associations between those places and events related to this person.

Hey,yes it does get better in time,I've got a parrot who repeats her voice so its like being winded on a regular basis lol,its not his fault just gives me little flashbacks. I'd rather not have. I see her in work and can see the pain in her eyes,she can't be around me even when its strictly professional or be in the same room. I saw the dark empty holes in her eyes,maybe her avoiding me is her guilt but I'm stronger than I was and you shall get there too. Of course the memories will always be there but in time those triggers which make our hearts race and take us by suprise will fade

I so relate.  She has scarpered to a new town.  I am left paying bills and seeing out our rental contract on the house.  Every day I am faced with reminders... .  it sucks!

The best advice I can give is to face it head on- get a group of friends and get down to that place and make new memories.  It hurts worst the first time, it does get better x

I've had this happen to me many times.  Her and I went everywhere together so it's not going to be easy for me to replace all of those memories.  Even if I'm not anywhere near the places we used to frequent, I might see a car that looks just like hers and then the wind gets knocked out of me.

You know whats unfair? You not allowing yourself to detach from her by thinking she is happy and in love.

Please read that part of the loving phase again please. https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves)

She has immature emotions and a complete malfunctioning in regards of emotions. Every BPD relationship in the clinging phase will tell you, HAPPY and IN LOVE.

Come on man, if this board told us ONE thing, is that that is a load of a baloney and not the truth... and doomed to fail one day.

I hope it'll get better in time Trevjim. It's not easy to move on. I broke down this morning because of a word in a crossword that used to be our holiday destination.


I so get this. My ex has moved on to other people, I don't want to see that so I avoid his part of town. The day before yesterday he showed up at the mall in MY part of town. He had parked his car next to mine and was waiting for me so he could show it off. I'm so pissed he has moved on and even bought the same car because he can't drive mine anymore. His new car has no scratch on it while the damage he caused to my car is still showing. And now I can't even go shopping without looking over my shoulder.  I went to the beach as well yesterday. It's 'my' beach town, but as he's been there with me a couple of times he might add it to his repertoire of outings. Mine did practically the same things with every woman. I'm glad we didn't have a bench, because he might use it with someone else.