BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone, Been a while since I posted, but just wanted to get a little feedback.

I've been nearly 12 weeks NC, and nearly 7 months separated from my ex-BPD-bf, and honest to goodness, I am really doing much better.

Yesterday, a mutual friend told me, quite casually, that if i wanted to see something 'worthwhile' I should check out my ex's Facebook page.

Now I have been very deliberate about avoiding anything that triggers me, which obviously includes social media that might bring me into contact with her.

But late last night, curiosity killed the cat, and i checked it out.

First, her profile pictures is from two very special locations that WE visited.

Second, she has a new boyfriend (knew as much) and her timeline is comical in that they are continually friending/ unfriending one another... .  it even involves her family (mom in particular), who will post inquiries about status, etc.

Third, it still HURT so much to see her. I've been upset all day.

So even though what I'm seeing validates her traits/disorder, I clearly still love her.

I don't want to see her in person or talk to her, but I do miss her.

And I wish I didn't.

JOTS

 

I'm very new to this myself.  I have been going through the same thing.  I'm actually filing for divorce on Tuesday.  What has been working for me is just to block the ex, the family, anyone who would bring back the pain.  It's tough as hell, and don't torture yourself by looking.  Good luck to us all  |iiii

Dadgum facebook is right.  

I might pick new friends.  :)

I don't get what was so "worthwhile". Bad, bad advice to tell you to check out her page.

You did it.

That's OK.

It's also OK to wish that you didn't miss her... .  but it's also OK that you do.

It's part of it. It's part of our human-ness - to feel what we feel. You can't just turn yourself off and think that 12 weeks of healing is going to leave you prepared to visit her facebook and feel nothing. :)

I'd be most worried if you did feel nothing.  

Being emotionally triggered can last a while - sometimes it helps to do things to help the physcial part of us to coincide with the emotional part.

Exercise? Jogging? Breathe in, breathe out? Spin class?  :)

-DG

I actually made the mistake of checking my exs sisters Facebook lastnight. This was at ten at night and I was sore and tired ready to go to bed, after seeing pictures of my ex I became so floored and angry I immediately got up and started working out.

It's scary honestly how little control I have over my emotions when I see her now.

My ex gf took her last guy to every 'special' place I thought we went to,really p!ssed me off,guess that traits of having no identity showed as her life seems to be a continuous loop,just different people and different locations where she lives,I avoid all dating sites or anywhere she may be for now,I figure its easier that way to allow myself time to heal to keep pushing forward instead of looking back even if I have to resist that urge at times

yup yet again another story like mine today i checked her twitter statuses still in love life so wonderful and everything is better then its ever been. My status sad feeling lonely hurt angry. but i know ill pick myself up and go back to the me i'm becoming we all do it we loved them,. One day one day and that day we will see and they'll learn true love is not something thing written in books or displayed in movies it can not be obtained by chasing many partners its found in knowing yes your flawed i'm flawed but we love our flaws and where we can help each other grow to become a one. and not i love you i hate you but wait for me while i give your love to another and if that doesn't work i'm all yours(until the cycle repeats). like they say we are toys to them  and they run to the new shiny one till they get their childish germs and boogers (gross) all over it tarnishing a good person and moving thru the same cycle of crazy crap.

I deactivated my page long ago.

I like facebook but it has not really helped my life.

It's really chalk full of negativity. It doesn't help me at all either and would deactivate it but I keep it to see family things mainly, but then I fall sucker to venting my negative energy out on it as well.

Maybe it'll be replaced soon and it will die out, the stock of the company is crashing.

I've done the same thing as you guys. I'm 8 weeks NC (except saw her in a bar twice and she came to my house once but left when she saw a female friend of mine).

One night I looked at her facebook page and there was a pic of her and her daughter and it took my breath away. I couldn't sleep and felt crappy for a few days.

I've written some notes in my phone that I read whenever I really miss her badly and think about contacting her.

Here are my notes:

"My r/s with "Jane Doe" was generally a traumatic experience with realistically no hope of ever being fulfilling. I was lonely much of the time.

Right now my primary responsibility needs to be to myself - for my own emotional survival.

I will not tolerate being devalued, abused, taunted or hurt anymore - by anyone."

---- it REALLY helps to read these notes when I feel low. On a good note, while every day may not get better, every week does!

haha, my ex also changed her profile pic on facebook and match.com to photos i took,

and also took any guys she dated after me to places i thought were just ours.

i dont get it. probably cause she's just selfish and evil or an attempt to replace me. maybe the profile pic change was her way of showing me that she moved on and rubbing it in my face. i know with her personality she believed in an eye for an eye and rubbing things in people's faces and all that evil stuff... .    i stopped caring

Great tool and great advice, thank you for this post.

I did the exact same and it has helped tremendously.  Facebook was involved in the replacement as well so it can go pound sand. 

Twitter is just another tool with similar effect. They are all great for people who have decided on a significant other and have the willpower and inner understanding to resist the urge for emotional relationships outside their main relationship. Quite honestly, until I get better boundaries, it's hard for me to keep women at arms length when they want to share their lives and thoughts...   or even their innocent chatting. The process plays out like a slippery slope. For people with mental illness that drives them to have back-up lovers and the excitement of a new mirroring partner, I can imagine the slippery slope is more like a cliff.

Lol at pound sound.

She used it for my first replacement, and I busted her both times from it.

There is a very interesting article out there written that many avid Facebook users have narcissistic tendencies.

One of my new years goals was to stop getting on it as much. Hardly touched it when I was with the ex. Funny she would accuse me of flirting with girls when she was the one seeing up her replacements.

Facebook was a huge factor in ending my relationship and all contact with her.

hahaha I love that last line abt the germs boogers. Good one    They are like little children that just mess up everything they touch.

My ex is having our realtionship with someone else all over again. Its like if the grooming worked on me then he probably figures it would work on someone else. He's even doing things with her that I would always as him to do with me and he would withhold. Like walking our dogs, going to concerts and stuff like that.