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Title: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: drv3006 on March 04, 2013, 12:53:13 PM Hi all. I don't post on here much, but I do lurk around. I was doing well with NC for three months till he called on Valentines Day. I listened to him for two weeks. Everything that came out of his mouth was the same. Singing the Me Me me song. And I am in this 12 step program which tells me to have love and tolerance and to see what my part is. Well, I blew up after two weeks of listening to him talk about his problems and screamed "I've been listening to you for two weeks!" and hung up on him. Immature I know. But it drives me nuts the things he says are soo weird. I asked him what he wanted from me and he said "to be available" I hadn't heard from him for three months. That really bothered me. I really don't want to hear from him any more, but I have this 12 step program where I look to see what my part is. I always seem to come up with something. Like talking to him in the first place or slamming down the phone or something where I feel like I need to make some amends. NC is the best. I did it this morning, telling him its probrably me. I don't know, I can see my parts. And I am tired of examining me because he has a problem. I need to accept that maybe he just can't see it. It is so hard -- acceptance that is. I just need to accept that we just cannot do this. What is i hard for me is I keep blaming myself. I can always find something that I did that could cause the problem. Which in turn lets him off the hook and fills me with resentments later. He makes me feel like a bad person. And I doubt myself. I am tired of doubting myself. Is that bad?
Title: Re: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: OTH on March 04, 2013, 02:29:50 PM Sometimes it is best to just take a step back. If you step out of the relationship things can get clear really fast. What is his will stay with him and what is yours will stay with you. Give yourself some space and just focus on you.
Hi all. I don't post on here much, but I do lurk around. I was doing well with NC for three months till he called on Valentines Day. I listened to him for two weeks. Everything that came out of his mouth was the same. Singing the Me Me me song. And I am in this 12 step program which tells me to have love and tolerance and to see what my part is. Well, I blew up after two weeks of listening to him talk about his problems and screamed "I've been listening to you for two weeks!" and hung up on him. Immature I know. But it drives me nuts the things he says are soo weird. I asked him what he wanted from me and he said "to be available" I hadn't heard from him for three months. That really bothered me. I really don't want to hear from him any more, but I have this 12 step program where I look to see what my part is. I always seem to come up with something. Like talking to him in the first place or slamming down the phone or something where I feel like I need to make some amends. NC is the best. I did it this morning, telling him its probrably me. I don't know, I can see my parts. And I am tired of examining me because he has a problem. I need to accept that maybe he just can't see it. It is so hard -- acceptance that is. I just need to accept that we just cannot do this. What is i hard for me is I keep blaming myself. I can always find something that I did that could cause the problem. Which in turn lets him off the hook and fills me with resentments later. He makes me feel like a bad person. And I doubt myself. I am tired of doubting myself. Is that bad? Title: Re: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: MaybeSo on March 04, 2013, 02:52:38 PM Excerpt I need to accept that maybe he just can't see it. It is so hard -- acceptance that is. I just need to accept that we just cannot do this. What is i hard for me is I keep blaming myself. I can always find something that I did that could cause the problem. Which in turn lets him off the hook and fills me with resentments later. He makes me feel like a bad person. And I doubt myself. I am tired of doubting myself. Is that bad? Oh boy... . this sounds familiar. So... . no, you are not a bad person... . and examining your stuff doesn't have to mean putting yourself through torture. Ouch! Two weeks of bla bla bla... . I've done that, too. It sucks. But, I did it. I should have stopped sooner, right? Here are some idea shifts that might help. It's not all your fault, never has been. You do not cause all the problems. No why? Because you just are not all that powerful. Could you have done things differently? Sure, me too! But... . no matter what, you are not responsible for this person. His happiness. His unhappiness. Or his life. There's only one person responsbile for that, and that is HIM. Not you. Period. And, he is not repsonbile for your happiness. Or unhappiness. He's not THAT powerful, either. So, chat if you want to chat, then stop when you need to and you have had enough. Or go NC again if you need to. Make amends, but don't give a pound of flesh... . there's no need. You are not that powerful. Listening to someone verbally vomit would become insufferable to ANYONE after two weeks. It won't fix him or make him better or change him, anyway. My experience is that more verbal vomit just begets more verbal vomit. He has to do that for himself, by taking care of himself, and the same is true of you. You can practice having love and acceptance of him as he is... . AND do this with whatever distance you need... . AND do this while taking care of YOU as your top priority. Title: Re: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: drv3006 on March 04, 2013, 03:50:14 PM Excerpt IHere are some idea shifts that might help. It's not all your fault, never has been. You do not cause all the problems. No why? Because you just are not all that powerful. Ha and there it is. Not that powerful! Its strange, I don't look at it as being powerful, but it is true. I just need to chill. Thanks but I know I will probably try to take the control back and feel stupid all over again. I replay the movie sometimes in my head. I have to try not to entertain, these thoughts. Title: Re: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: MaybeSo on March 04, 2013, 07:57:58 PM Excerpt I have to try not to entertain, these thoughts. Me too. Old habits run deep. Title: Re: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: blecker on March 06, 2013, 04:25:23 PM Even National Parks have boundaries and they are good for you too. Keep you out of the swamp, the sulfer and the jaws of who knows what.
What is wrong with just saying no? I mean it is a simple two letter word. No. I will not listen to this garbage any more and work on myself without the distractions a mentally ill person will certainly give me. No. Title: Re: Sorta tired of examining myself Post by: catsprt on March 07, 2013, 06:27:01 PM Tired of examining yourself... . Then don't do it! What do we have in common here? We analyze, scrutinize, observe, theorize and analyze. Do we have to keep compensating for those who never did? Take a break, give yourself the gift of living in the moment, give the gift of your presence to other and yourself! Chances are you will be amazing!
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