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Anyone have something written up on this?

Example:

My mom's rule was that no one was supposed to do better than her at anything. If you were better at people than her, she'd choke you off.

Since she's an introvert, and you do better than her at social gatherings, she'd cut you off and try to stunt you.

We learned how to ride a bike, which she claims she can't do, so she waifed about it.

She competes in her mind with imaginary foe. If the foe defeats her, that's an excuse to waif. If the foe stays below her, then that's reason to gloat.

If the foe defeats her when she tried to cut them off, then that's a reason to claim their own accomplishments as something SHE did.

I don't get this needless competition. I can see it being done for the sake of fun, but she doesn't have an "off" switch in her.

Much of my childhood was shaped by this when I did better than her and she did everything to cut me off at the pass so I couldn't proceed further.

Could someone explain this behavior?

My ex BPD SO used this technique very often.  I can't really explain it, but I can say that she used it when she wanted to pull me closer to her.  I think its serves them to pull you towards them, they cut you off from everyone else, then show you how only They are soo great and how only They can do these important things you need or want.  In my case it didn't last too long with this, after they have you reeled in and know you will take the abuse they dish out they seem to have no use in continuing it. 

To me, what you are describing sounds like a narcissistic trait, DesertChild. Have you thought about whether your mother has any other N tendencies?

Wishing you peace,

PF

I think she has some N traits, but mostly for defenses. I think that's also why my previous therapist had problems dealing with her. (though, personally, from what I've read she shouldn't have been encouraging reconciliation with her... .  )

I've also heard it is a BPD trait too, though... .     Am I wrong?

I know she's in Axis II for sure.

There is a lot of overlap with this cluster of PDs, as you know. I am not a professional, but to me the behavior you describe fits more clearly with the diagnostic criteria for NPD than for BPD. That does not mean I think your mother has or does not have one or the other; it's just that's the category it fits best in to my mind. A professional might give you a different answer.

Here are the specific NPD criteria that come to mind when reading your post:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(4) requires excessive admiration

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Do you think any of those might describe your mother's competitive behavior?

Conversely, the only BPD criteria I can think of that might be made to fit are:

(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

At any rate, it's something to think about. My FOO is full of both disorders.

PF

It's not direct envy, though. It's more the competition for the sake of the competition in order to make her feel better about herself. It's often unnecessary. I don't get the feeling of jealousy out of it at all.

So if I took some creative class she'd enter me into it, but if I said I wanted to excel (i.e. go faster), she'd find an excuse to pull me out. If I did well, she'd also pull me out. I took some music lessons to overturn her saying that I did not practice, (since she refused twice) and then she still used the previous leverage. (First recital I made 2 mistakes, different instrument, did a recital and she didn't even attend, made zero mistakes 'cause I practiced my heart out.)

Mostly, I think because her mom did it to her before her, so if I showed persistence, she needed self-justification.

She also has competitions in her own mind. Such as that people hate her.

She definitely does the up and down of people. Such as "All Jews are good." "All Christians are bad." and then she has a hard time with exceptions to that rule. She's put me on the "evil" side for now. It's painful to watch too.

On the other side, my birth father it's definitely competition in order to prove he's better than everyone else. Point out a chink in his armor and he'll get angry.

My mom I kind of get a sense she makes it up in her own head, which is heavily tied to the idea of making an imaginary friend or foe or proving a point about her own childhood. It's less linked to personal self worth and more like self-definition. (Does that make any sense at all?) In another words, not her ego, but she'd defined herself by these things. And if someone does better, then she loses that self-definition and it goes unstable.

That's how I understand how it works. I'm guessing there is overlap in her. Inside, she's definitely characteristic of BPD, but her defense mechanisms can run very much like NPD at times. (Like her defense of Shiny.) Her inner defenses look very BPD with the witch and the waif into full effect.