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Okay short version, ex was ordered in divorce settlement trial to refinance by 12/27/12 and make the last 3 house payments in 2012. Fact, no refinancing was completed and he only made 10/2012 & 11/2012 payments. Results should have been that I could stop paying him spousal support and I could petion the court to have the house returned to me to list for sale.

Fact: Judge ordered the spousal support to be held for now... .  and gave ex until the 3/25/13 to refinance and start making payments again in Feb. (by the time we had the hearing he had missed the Jan. payment too).

Fact: Ex missed Feb. payment, I have seen no documentation of his refinancing (no appraisal that the judge ordered that he share with me). My attorney called a phone conference with his attorney and the judge. The judge states that he thinks maybe my ex is lying to his attorney and maybe isn't going to make payments or refinance but since he had given him until the 25th to have the refinancing completed he will let things stay the same until then. My attorney asked if we could see the loan fiancing progress and after the judge asked my ex's attorney if this was okay (the other attorney thought it was quite reasonable) then the judge ordered it to be done. That was last week, we of course have seen nothing so far and I doubt if we will. In the mean time I am paying the loan payment, tax and insurance ($1735 each month) and he is living there for the cost of utlities.


UGGGG! just had to vent to others who understand these frustations.

I'm glad everyone's on top of it and that the judge is fully aware.  The next hearing may be okay, but ex will probably be given time to vacate.  Be alert then and keep all the deals to a minimum, you need to stress ex's "bad faith" for several months.  Don't feel pressured to be nice, court will be more than fair as it is, so don't feel you have to give even more conderations.  Try to get consequences imposed.  Let him face his consequences.  Odds are, he won't have any consequences except to vacate eventually.  Maybe you'll even be able to get the rest of the alimony or support terminated due to his "bad faith" causing additional litigation and the judge probably has the right to use "judicial discretion" to do that.  Whether the judge will use it, you'll find out in a few weeks.

thanks Foreverdad - I wish I had more of a say in what the judge rules. He is not interested in anything my attorney says. He just smiles at my ex and his male attorney and rolls his eyes at me and my female attorney. My attorney even brought one of her assistants to the hearing last time to get another person perspective to how the judge deals with us in court. This guy is brand new and it sure feels like he has a grude against women. We watched two other cases before ours at the two hearings so far this year and he gave favor to the males and grilled the females, one young mother even asked for more time to get an attorney, the judge said fine, set a date in 2 weeks then asked her questions about the case anyway.

Of course what ever the results I will be so very happy when this is over, in 2 more months, 6, 8, whatever, one day it will be over.

I thought about you when I was in court for my hearing last month. There were two lawyers representing clients in a very similar situation to yours.

Of course, I was trying to figure out which lawyer was representing the person with the PD.  :)

It's really hard to tell who is stonewalling, and who is trying to move on and get things done in a timely, efficient way, even when, like me, I suspect one of the parties to have a mental illness, and to purposefully be making things difficult. The judge basically asked a few questions, then said, "Have your client send the thing to the other person. Person A is trying to refinance and the market is bad, so it's understandable that this is taking longer than usual. But Person B, that is no excuse to not send documentation to Person A. Do that by Day, Date. "

That was basically it.

Not saying it was right, just that it can be really hard, even when looking for the trouble-maker, to see who it is in such a short period of time.

The good news is that it sounds like the judge is catching on. And that matters more than whether he shows preferential treatment. He was nice as a daisy to N/BPDx at first, and I was nervous. But then N/BPDx interrupted him a few times, and judge ate him for dinner.

Court is awful 

So sorry you're still having to deal with this.

There's a certain amount of validity to the "don't double pay" approach.  If you overpay and the court simply orders him to repay, you know that will never happen in a hundred years, he would just ignore the order as he's done the current one.  So, knowing what he's done the past few months, never get in a position where you have overpaid in some way.  As noted, odds are you would never face consequences for being cautious, especially after what he's done so far.

Hi and thanks for the responses.

The settlement order states very clearly that once he missed a house payment my obligation to pay spousal support ends. If he didn't make the refinancing deadline then I could petition the court have have him moved out and then I could sell the property.

For some reason the judge ordered to have the spousal support held in abeyance when in reality he didn't need to rule at all because the previous judge had it set up to end. My attorney told me to not pay it but don't spend the funds incase the judge rules I have to start paying it again. This was said to me in the courtroom at the first hearing this year. After that she had time to reveiw the paperwork and she doesn't think he can make me pay anything more on the spousal support but still isn't sure. So I have not been paying it.

FoververDad  you make a good point that it really is difficult in the courtroom setting to really see who is being reasonable and who is taking advantage. I am glad my attoney chose to have a phone conference with his attorney and the judge before the next hearing as you are right I think the judge is getting a better picture. That is why it is so good to have this board to come to, vent, ask opinions and see things through other eyes at times.

Thanks again everyone.