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I had a dream the other night about my ex, but it was an old non BPD ex and when I awoke I had the realisation that that relationship had been healthy. We were ultimately incompatible but separated with no drama and few hard feelings. In fact there is fondest in my heart and I know that if we reconnected we would have respect and a big hug for one another 

This is how it should be, not the crazy train world war 3 that BPD brings. In contrast I never ever want to see or hear from my BPD ex again. The 'relationship' I thought I was in was a total illusion and I am lucky to have escaped with my own sanity.

This brings me to life nowadays post BPD. Well guys it is worth the wait because it is great! I have a new appreciation for a simple, logical, calm life, an appreciation that I never had before. I don't question myself half as much as I did before. I am stronger in my backing of myself, and prioritise myself more than I ever did before.

I can be all by myself and really savour the serenity and calmness (I used to be a bag of nerves and be 'on call' to crazy 24/7) I can be with someone and spend a simple evening of normality with absolutely no drama (I had got used to walking through the perpetual minefields). I am in awe of how much easier and happier my life is without BPD in it!

For those of you struggling through the worst of times, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it will be a brighter beacon because of the darkness you are experiencing now. It is worth it, it does get better, it will get better for you. Take the advice all over this forum, take one day at a time, one step at a time, but keep going, you will get there!

I can so relate to that!  I still get an anxious knot in my stomach if I even receive a text/email.  Even if it's about anything practical, such as changing a bill into my name!

The "on call to crazy" I could really relate to!

Thanks so much for this wonderful post, really put me in a good mood as I head off to work this morning :)

Thanks for sharing.

Would you mind telling us what you did to continue on getting past your ex in the tough times?

I experience good moments and weak moments

Thank you, LuckyEscapee!

Your words about how it gets better is what I need to hear tonight. I'm looking forward to the tranquility and appreciation of life anew.

Hi Fakename, this forum helped me immensely. I mean I truly believe it turned me 180 around and put me on my healing path! I lurked here for months not posting but absorbing all the advice. Nights and nights when I couldn't sleep reading back through post after post. It was the only 'friend' I had that understood the hell I had found myself in. :'(

So in the tough times I came here. Also I do wonder whether we have to reach absolute rock bottom to start bouncing back, because that is when our brains accept no this cannot be all my fault, something is really wrong here and I can't/don't have the energy left to fix it.

I held firm onto the thought of being lucky to escape, I celebrated that, I started to put myself first. Instead of treating him as a king I tried to treat myself as a queen. It's really really hard, when your brain knows all this but the rest of you is still thinking about him.

In the tough times I did whatever I felt I needed to, I really allowed myself to process. I was in something akin to PTSD. I did take sleeping pills to sleep, and made myself get some fresh air at least once in a weekend. We tend to lose ourselves along the BPD way. I had to relearn myself and what I needed and liked. i think it is important to replace all that overstimulation and frenetic energy 24/7 with something else. I went from being 24/7 to NC, that is a big fruit-loopin change.

When I had nothing to do I went to my box where I had put things I wanted to get around to; books, magazines, games, wine, recipes. So I either spent entire weekends in bed or did something I enjoyed. There are no rights or wrongs to it. Except to contact him. That is a no-no for me personally.

i made a pact with myself that if I contact him then I am accepting the bad behavior so it is my choice. There are no half-way deals or friendships with my ex. The menu is NC and peaceful calmness or contact and crazy, my choice. The crazy being painted blacker than black was the most traumatic experience of my life, so it really isn't a choice! NC period.

The fact is that slowly day by day it does get better, and brighter. Because even without the fireworks, my life is true color an not an illusion.


SouthernBelle: this is why I post! This is the only place of its kind for people like us. I don't believe anyone can understand this properly unless they have experienced it firsthand. Not even our Ts. This is why we need to support one another here.   

SouthernBelle i am sure you will appreciate that tranquility like never before soon I promise. It is the best best feeling. 

What a fantastic and encouraging post (not just the part I quoted)!... .    I started a thread a couple days ago called "A relationship that could end well".   I'm 37 years old and have had 6 relationships of over a year since graduating high school.  Obviously they all ended, but with the exception of my exwBPD I could provide all these women as "relationship references".  I don't have consistent contact with any of them, but they all have generally nice things to say about me, as a person.   I take comfort in that because it means, despite what my exwBPD would have everyone believe, I'm a pretty good guy.

Thanks for posting this!

LuckyEscapee - It is the best feeling, for sure!

Already I'm feeling more relaxed since I no longer have to "walk on eggshells" anymore. I can pursue friendships that I threw to the wayside because my exbf didn't like them and I can put my heart and efforts into things that mattered to me. I couldn't do it before because I didn't want to risk a fight and rage from my ex.