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Title: It shouldn't be this hard Post by: Tired of it on March 06, 2013, 12:02:20 PM December I tell her Merry Christmas and get nothing back. I had been there playing her games all year of 2012 and told her I can't do that 2013. She would always say maybe we would cross paths and if it was meant to be then it will be. Happy New Year and nothing. Happy Birthday on Jan 7th and then on the 8th she says "please stop, i'm being nice, seriously, please stop. So I stop and three weeks later she ask me to take her out for "late birthday drinks". I accept b/c I was trying to do the right thing and thinking that "we were crossing paths" and she wanted to try again. We hang out Friday, she comes over on a Tuesday and we had sex again and she tells me she loves me. She ask me to promise to see her again on that Friday but then says she is exhausted and reschedules for Saturday only to never show, reply, or say anything. I ask her if she really did love me and late sunday night she finally says yes but wants to take it slow. I ask her if she is interested in anyone, talking to anyone, in a relationship with anyone and if so then I will let her be. She says no. Over time I find out about a guy. I find out they are dating and I confronted her only to let her know that I knew only for her to blow up at me and blame me for everything telling me she loves him and hopes to marry him one day. Tells me she never cheated on anyone and blames me more as if she didn't come over and have sex with me while she was more than likely fussing with this other guy (he was calling when we were out and then texting the day she came over but she didn't want to talk about it). I'm drained emotionally and it has taken its effect on me. The guy knows about her coming and having sex with me but they stayed together. I never could prove she had sex with her ex husband or son's dad but hindsight shows that the probability was yes because she had just had sex with me but says she loves this other guy and hopes to marry him. I figured out that there is no way to apply logic to anything and that is what drove me crazy. I no longer feel normal. I'm sure she has BPD. Now they are still together despite him knowing what she did and appears that they will probably get married while i'm over here drained trying to get myself back together. Crazy thing is she still says she was 110% committed to our relationship as if she doesn't remember doing all the stuff she did. I guess in her mind it is all justified when I know it isn't right but that is logic and there is no logic with her.
Mind you when we first met she pressured me heavily about moving in together and how I was her best friend yet she knew nothing about me. Not even my favorite color. There was always insecurity issues. The thought I always had was things would be different if I had just married her. She would see I didn't want anyone else. She wouldn't have any more insecurity issues. We wouldn't fight about me going to home to my apartment where I paid rent because I would now live with her. She always pushed me to move in. Always told me she was getting older (26) at the time and didn't have time to waste. Said she wasn't going to have a kid after 30. Constant pressure and I thought the cure all would be to marry her. In my mind it seems like things would have been fine if I did that but I guess that it just my own mind thinking things would be but there is a very high possibility that I would have been getting myself into something much worse and just didn't know it. After us being apart for a year and then her telling me to stop contacting her she came back around after three weeks of NC. We had sex and she told me she loved me just to have her gone again within a couple of weeks saying she didn't want to rush into a relationship. During that time I find out she is with someone else and when i confronted her and informed him of what was going on with her lying and apparent cheating, she tells me she never cheated on anyone, she loves him and plans to marry him one day. No logic at all considering that she was just over sleeping with me. Yet and still I am upset about it all instead of thanking God for not being with her. I picture things with her and him being excellent but how could it be when she was sleeping with me Title: Re: It shouldn't be this hard Post by: mango_flower on March 06, 2013, 12:54:20 PM I picture things with her and him being excellent but how could it be when she was sleeping with me I can so relate to this! Other people have reassured me on here that this is not so. You're just not getting to see the crazy! People don't change that quickly. Also, I've seen this first hand when I got a call from my ex the other day and she was so unsettled that she burst into tears when her new gf called her to see how her day was, and her new gf had to drive 4 hours to comfort her... . so yeah - I'm not sure she's as happy as she makes out! It's hard though I know. Just feel sorry for the new guy - he thinks his life is so perfect - it's gonna hit him like a meterorite... . x Title: Re: It shouldn't be this hard Post by: honesty2013 on March 06, 2013, 03:31:37 PM i am with you!
I honestly dont think i have ever been hurt this bad or felt this much pain! I'm just praying that 2 months fly bye so i can be over this (hopefully)! :'( |