BPDFamily.com

Hello all!  My ex and I have done numerous "on and off" cycles, with us living in different towns.  She had a horrific year last year with 2 DUI's, 3 days in a detox facility and 3 weeks in jail.

She is facing 2 years probation plus 2 years of wearing an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet (which she currently wears now and has for the last 3 months).

Question:  Do BPD symptoms improve or worsen with sobriety?

I personally believe they worsen with sobriety.  I think, and this is IMO only, from what I've witnessed the alcohol, as a depressant, slows the crazy thoughts and impulsive behaviors.  My ex BPD bf was married for 26 years, but was drunk every day.  His next relationship lasted 10 months, but he was drunk every day.  He came here and I said no drinking, despite having five years of "I love you"s and "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"s he lasted 3 months.  In his new relationship he is drunk every day.  Don't know how long that will last.  I think he would still be here if I'd allowed the drunkenness, but he would get so drunk he could barely breath and shuffle around the house like a hundred year old man.  I just couldn't deal with it.  Anyway ... .  I don't think as a rule sobriety agrees with them. 

I agree, any "substance" that they are addicted to; either alcohol, playing video games, etc... .  is an OUTLET for their rage and can give them some momentary relief... .  my pwBPD might as well CLIMB INTO THE COMPUTER and stay there... .  that is where "he lives" while he TRIES TO RUN from his own mental illness revealed in dealing with the real world.

As far as "forced sobriety"... .  allowing him to SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES of his behavior by NOT enabling him to continue to drink in your presence, don't buy him alcohol, don't drive him where he can buy it, let him stay in jail, etc... .  may be the ONLY THING that will get through to him that HE NEEDS TO MAKE SOME QUICK AND WISE DECISIONS in his life... .  

The ONE that you can make is to NOT enable him to continue it and then later, blame YOU for his drunkeness. Giveing him some tough love like: "I am leaving... .  when you get sober, stay sober for six month, then contact me and update me on your progress. I will not continue to enable you to lead such a destructive path while I continue to suffer. It is stopping for ME NOW... .  when it stops for YOU will be up to you".

So some pw/BPD self medicate or practice escape with alcohol or other substances? Or could it just be an addiction/obsession? Hard to tell but the results are the same I suppose.

My exBPDh also had a TBI and I believe his inhibitions were lowered by alcohol which made him more liable to practice verbally and physically abusive behaviors and see these behaviors as his "right" because he was the victim of my horrid lack of love... .  

Alcohol also seemed to worsen his depression and suicidal ideology.

In my ex's case alcohol made the instances of crazy crazier.

The act of not drinking or doing drugs does NOT result in a better human being.

Excessive drinking and doing drugs are symptoms of emotional issues that need time and guidence to resolve.

Her not drinking would force her to seek other behaviors to numb the emotional pain she is experiencing.

A dry drunk is not a pleasant person to be around.

I believe pwBPD often has substance abuse problems or other addictions (including sex or people) because they use the addictive substance to regulate their emotions, since they can't do it on their own. It probably works to some degree to keep them regulated, so I could see where sobriety could start off worse unless they get help to deal with underlying issues.

Agreed, this was my case as well. At first she'd have one or two at night to unwind and "relax".

I never forced her to stop drinking because she handled it well, but alcohol did lead to what I remember as our first major fight where I ended up in tears as she threatened to leave over something so dumb. That's the first time I really got to experience her crazy and blowing things way out of proportion.

With me she stopped drinking on her own, mind you I probably feel for her when she was pregnant and unable to drink. So in my case, alcohol made everything worse.

Before I found out about BPD I simply blamed the alcohol as it was a huge factor in ending us as she would go out drinking with her office mates who one was the replacement while I stayed home and looked after daughter.

Both times she got rid of me she started heavily drinking and partying again.

She's the type that the more she drinks the more sex she wants to have but also gets meaner, she of course would deny this but I'm always sober so I am the one witnessing reality versus fantasy.

She got pregnant by mistake while she was drunk, yet she doesn't understand why I hated when she drank, we fought when she drank, and she was extremely flirty and horny.

Why wouldn't I have a problem with her going out with other guys and drinking, did she think I was dumb?

Overall I fell in love with sober her, as soon as she had any type of alcohol in her it was like a poison that killed us.

Thank you all for your insight.

So far my experience has been:

With - the usual plus craziness

Without - more pronounced splitting, push/pull, anger episodes as well as hate phase dynamics . . .

My ex had an addiction to narcotics. I was dumb enough to believe that once we got sober those crazy things he did would stop. The last year we spent together was post his rehab stint and was seriously crazier than before he stopped popping pills. Drugs/alcohol may intensify the level of abusiveness but it didn't put the abusive thoughts/tendencies into them to begin with. They were there with or without the drugs.

I agree real lady and trouble 11.

I do believe that sobriety was what brought out the BPD symptoms in my UXBPD. I started dating UXBPD after 6 months into his sobriety from alcohol, however he had been sober before and relapsed years before. He liked to play those war games on playstation, where he would be blowing something up or someone up and he admitted that it helped him to get his aggression out. He also liked fantasy games, which might of been because he liked to become someone else, but that's just my pop psychology. I remember my UXBPD telling me that he was never so mean or rude to anyone before and he didn't know why he would blow up on me etc. I know that he was drinking during some of his relationships and I think when he was sober in his past relationship he was on high dosage of medication. My UXBPD had been decreasing his dosage of anxiety/depression medication for years but stopped taking all his medication by the end of our relationship... .  I don't think it was a good idea! I feel like without anything to help change UXBPD mood, he would get so impatient at the smallest thing and made me anxious and nervous at times. He did not have any patience! Ironically, he got upset how timid I could be, I wonder why I was like that at times... .  hmm?