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Personally for several months after the end with the BPD SO I felt that I really couldn't go anywhere outside of my house, I was terrified I would run into her, that she would drive by my house with her new man in tow laughing, that she was making up awful stories about me to people she worked with.  This not only gave me alot of anxiety, but

also, as many of you already know seemed to crush any confidence or self esteem.  It was basically like being shell shocked, you go off to work in the morning, give her a kiss on the way out, and come back to only be able to look in the window and someone comes outside to ask "Can we help you?"  I don't know what the average recovery time is for people that have been involved in long term intimate relationships with BPD's but I would geuss it would be at least a year or two.  I myself had to go see a physician at the worst part of this BPD fallout to get checked out, of course my blood pressure was through the roof and I got a prescription for a small anti depressant that I am now off of.  I would enjoy hearing your replies about how long it took you to start getting well.  Thanks to all. 

I did have PTSD and am being treated for it with EMDR. Treatment makes a huge difference. I'm a year and a half out and have come a long way, but still dealing with my own issues and figuring out how to parent with uBPDeh.

I think I dealt with PTSD during the relationship in the way of anxiety and depression.

I'm not sure if this is part of PTSD - what I deal with now is the criticism from him playing over and over in my head. Just like a broken record. I keep hearing his voice telling me all the awful things that he said to me and that I deserved it.

It will take a while to break that constant reply of his meanness.

There are therapists who specialize in helping people overcome trauma and I think being involved in a r/s with a pwBPD is a traumatic and life changing experience.

I know I am coping pretty well considering the verbal and physical abuse I chose to live with for over a year, however, I  feel like I am never going to be the person I was before my marriage to a pwBPD.

But you know,that might not be a bad thing. I think every shred of co-dependency was beat out of me.   

Baby steps friends... .  

Breakup out of a BPD r/s can shell shock you straight into PTSD, things which might come back to the surface when you are heading into a new relationship

Yes I can relate, it was like waking up in the middle of a war, untrained and unarmed.

It took me months to feel less anxiety.

I'm now five months since the whole ending of it, and four months of no contact.  I am just now getting comfortable being able to go anywhere without an utter fear.  The No Contact, being on this board,talking to a counselor, exercising, and doing things with a few of my buddies has helped me tremendously.  What I don't get is why people with BPD really enjoy watching you suffer so terribly when all you did was love them?  It was like she really enjoyed making me confused and figure out she was having someone move in without my knowledge.  It was without a doubt the most evil thing I have witnessed out of someone, and she became delusional in the end with accusations during that time.  Thanks for all your replies.  I would enjoy hearing about what you all are doing to help cope.

 

Im not sure there evil, but merely incapable of doing any better and therefore showing or being perceived very hateful.

Its like a stutterer at school for a presentation. People think he doesnt know anything because they didnt know he was a stutterer, however it doesnt say anything whether or not the guy knows something. You cant blame him for it.

Neither do I blame my ex for her PTSD and BPD. (only when im angry or being hurt... )

They themselves may not actually be 'evil', but the acts that they carry out on their unsuspecting victims can be.  They may be incapable of doing better when dealing with themselves, but unfortunately have a choice in whether or not they are extremely vile to their loved ones.  Perception is reality, when someone who says they love you for years and spends significant periods of time showing you that, then hides someone who is living with them or tells you "You'll see how much I love you in just a couple months"-then marries that person while continuing to contact you -yes, thats evil. 

While I don't blame her for having BPD, she still is able to tell Right from Wrong. 

I'm with you on that assessment 100%.  I've seen the inner demon in my exwBPD and it was scarier than hell.  Chilled me to the bone.  All color in her eyes disappeared and it was like looking in to utter darkness.  She acknowledged that she was a completely different person at times.  This isn't the movies and it's hard to believe that it can be real until you're witnessing it first hand.

I think that is similar to a flashback, and definitely a symptom of PTSD.

Feels that way sometimes... .  and I agree, not a bad thing! Feels so much better to not be emotionally responsible for someone else!

Yep - serious PTSD during and after the relationship. Also physical health issues - stomach problems that landed me in the hospital a few times. I've been going to weekly therapy and taking antidepressants. Both have been extremely helpful.

I was in absolutely horrific shape after the breakup. I was terrified out of my mind, flashbacks, nightmares, emotional swings, and overall just intense pain.

Now, 8 months later, I'm starting to feel normal again. Going out with friends, even went on a date. My emotions feel more stable, and I definitely believe I'll recover from this, though it might take another year or so to really be over it.

Yep, the resemblances to everyone else's posts are hauntingly similar to my experiences.

I still get really jumpy if there are loud noises/bangs etc

Someone mentioned negative tapes of conversation replaying even after the breakup, I think this has something to do with the way the brain deals with the loss of the partner. As we are so used to conversing/arguing or what have you with them I think it leaves an imprint as it were.