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Title: So now the Mum is manipulating me to? Post by: have gone nc on March 07, 2013, 05:06:48 PM So i had a 2hr converstaion today with my ex sobbing down the phone. I was vey calm and stuck to my boundaries but I was also kind because i have reached a point of acceptance in what happened. Things were okay but she seemed extremely hurt and it was difficult not to rescue her.
Anyway, I put the phone down and carry on with my day, The phone goes again... . Now its the mum just calling to "ask how i am "... . Then procedes to tell me that i have very strange ideas because i said that if i was married and i found out my wife was texting other men for attention that i would leave, apparently thats a silly thing to do? Also it's not cheating if your texting other men in a sexual nature because after all it is only a text... . ? Although i was lied to and disrespected i need to just let it go and get back together because her daughter is very sorry and didnt mean it? hilarious is the only word i can describe it as... . there was much more but you get the idea! Title: Re: So now the Mum is manipulating me to? Post by: pallavirajsinghani on March 07, 2013, 08:32:20 PM Please stay nc. Looks like Mom is afraid of you not being around her daughter because now she will have to take care of a disordered individual. It appears that her Mom could be in deep FOG as perhaps you were at one point.
Please be strong. Title: Re: So now the Mum is manipulating me to? Post by: have gone nc on March 08, 2013, 01:51:30 AM To be honest I dont even feel the need " to go nc " because i am fully aware of everything going on around me.
I picked up on the manipulating in the first 2 minutes of the conversation. And even when talking to the ex she was constantly trying to get me to commit to stay with her. I was firm but also said some kind things about her personality. I do not wish to go back to this relationship and I know that, And with the work im doing on myself I feel I am much stronger now. NC is very good for most people who are heartbroken and desperate but i read somewhere its kind of "abuse" giving someoen the silent treatment, and if i know my boundaries then its okay. the only way i can get sucked back in is if I ALLOW IT, nobody has the power to force you into something you dont want to do. Title: Re: So now the Mum is manipulating me to? Post by: GreenMango on March 08, 2013, 02:17:09 AM You make a good point about knowing your boundaries and having emotional maturity to see where you might be vulnerable and emotionally not have your eyes wide open. |iiii
No contact (time out) is great when we don't have a good bead on ourselves. It can be communicated to the other person too. Like we are too stressed and need a break. Doing it haphazardly or punish can be abusive. It's a way to get your feet underneath you if you need it, its a poor substitute for true detachment, healing and emotional growth. Title: Re: So now the Mum is manipulating me to? Post by: apple on March 08, 2013, 03:05:15 PM So i had a 2hr converstaion today with my ex sobbing down the phone. I was vey calm and stuck to my boundaries but I was also kind because i have reached a point of acceptance in what happened. Things were okay but she seemed extremely hurt and it was difficult not to rescue her. Anyway, I put the phone down and carry on with my day, The phone goes again... . Now its the mum just calling to "ask how i am "... . Then procedes to tell me that i have very strange ideas because i said that if i was married and i found out my wife was texting other men for attention that i would leave, apparently thats a silly thing to do? Also it's not cheating if your texting other men in a sexual nature because after all it is only a text... . ? Although i was lied to and disrespected i need to just let it go and get back together because her daughter is very sorry and didnt mean it? hilarious is the only word i can describe it as... . there was much more but you get the idea! Apples don't fall far from the tree ! it's not surprising to me that her mother isn't living in reality as well. Title: Re: So now the Mum is manipulating me to? Post by: have gone nc on March 08, 2013, 03:45:42 PM To be honest, I genuinely dont feel the need to. My ex was not diagnosed but her mum dropped a clanger while trying to manipulate me back in. She said that she dont think its right that her doctor wrote on a piece of paper " something personality disorder? "
It blew me away! She was so busy trying to manipulate me that she forgot what she was saying... . So in trying to help she actually messed up. I got closure right there and then... . They can manipulate me all they like, it can only happen if I allow it, and im stronger than they give me credit for... . joke |