BPDFamily.com

I've had two consults with attorneys so far.  The first was a 15-minute appointment, just to meet the attorney and get a feel for his style.  He was older, with years of experience. We didn't talk about any specifics at all. 

The second consult was a referral from a friend. It was a one-hour appointment with the main focus on the law, financial information, custody and specifics.  I asked if she was versed with high conflict people and is aware of BPD. She said yes, and has experience with those types of people. 

What exactly should I expect from a consultation?  What are some tips in making a decision? 

I still am unsure about my decision after meeting with both of them.  I almost got the feeling that all of the experiences I've had witnessing my spouses erratic behavior didn't really matter.   I have two more attorneys to meet with next week.

Are they familiar with Bill Eddy & Randi Kreger's Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?  Do you have a copy?

Don't be too timid to ask, "If your marriage was imploding and you were facing a high conflict divorce, who would you recommend?"  If he or she is good, it will be an acceptable question, lawyers know they won't be hired by every person walking in the door.  Your lawyer knows most of the local professionals, some may be too pricey for your circumstances, but at least you would be able to know which ones are more capable and get the focus of your attention.  Move the names you hear to the top of your list.


Generally speaking, much of what you experienced will never make it into court records.  It's almost as though the system tries to keep the documentation handled by the court to a bare minimum.  Much of what you think is outrageous behavior is ignored by the court unless it is extreme, usually just "substantive" abuse or neglect.  The effect is that litigants may be more likely to settle, judges have latitude to made decisions choosing or rejecting standard outcomes using vague 'judicial discretion' and with less risk of a successful appeal that might make the judge look less than good.