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Title: BPDM divorce and a flock of flying monkeys Post by: Haeron on March 10, 2013, 01:56:43 PM So, my BPD mother has recently decided that she's moving out and divorcing endad. He wants nothing more than for there to be an easy, quick severance and to only have to contact her when its time for the kids to spend the weekend at her place. I can already see the ways she plans to cause them to stay with her for more extended periods of time, but I suppose that's a bridge to cross when we come to it.
She's currently NC with most of my immediate family. She's getting a new apartment and she's not speaking to anyone at the house who is older than fifteen. She's tipped her hand too far. She's been physically and emotionally abusive in such a way that even endad can't ignore it anymore. Right now, things actually seem to be going alright. She's not exactly going quietly, but she is giving most of the family the silent treatment. The bigger problem at the moment happens to be the enablers. BPDMom has a lot of them, and they're all exceptionally and blindly loyal to her. They also tend to have a lot in common with her and they have been coming after my younger siblings. At the moment it seems mostly to be a guilt campaign, and it has so far been mostly unsuccessful, but these things don't tend to end so easily and while I am far enough away to avoid most of the shrapnel, the little ones are right in the middle of it. Has anyone had any success with enlightening or warding off enablers? What did you do? Also, how do I talk to the younger ones about what's going on? How much do I tell them to make it easier not to be harmed by her messengers without unduly drawing them into adult concerns? Title: Re: BPDM divorce and a flock of flying monkeys Post by: Clearmind on March 10, 2013, 06:23:09 PM Haeron, there is little you can do to warn others. While I understand you wish to protect these enablers its their choice to get involved. Getting involved will only cause you stress and put you in the middle of the drama triangle – and the role as rescuer, which will lead to even more conflict. To break the conflict cycle, don't give your mom any fodder.
Conflict dynamics / Karpman Triangle – the role we don’t need to play (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0) What are the younger ones relationship to you? |