BPDFamily.com

One on the many things i can be grateful for for a difficult 1 year r/s with a wounded woman (cPTSD and/or BPD) is that it brought me into ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or dysfunctional families) and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous).

I was 3 years sober (4.5 now) when I got into this r/s and it took me to my deepest bottom ever (emotional).

I am seeking how my FOO and codependent traits set me up to stay longer than I should have - for me and her.

I am just working the 1st step of both programs but see big healing in the 4th step inventories. I have stopped blaming her and am now looking at my own stuff.

It's "the heroes journey". Anyone else here work these programs? Any ESH?

 :)

I went to al anon for a while. it helped but what helped more was Susan Andersons' books- the Inner child dialogues.

it really helped me see how my Little Self was controlling the actions and reactions of my Big Self.

GL

I go to Celebrate Recovery when I can. They have a 12 step program but my work/child schedule doesn't allow for the classes but I can still go to the meetings. It has been pretty helpful.

For me these programs help take the focus off of her and her behavior and looks at my own stuff. Get out of victim mode.

Has changed my life.

Very (VERY, VERY) Much for the better.

I am doing Al-Anon, and our 10 year old daughter is doing Ala-teen, since Mrs. Somewhere came back from Re-Had (eating disorder), a couple of months ago and had been messing with her.  Daughter asked me for help, and Ala-Teen has been it.  [Thank You, God.]

I had done Alanon a couple of years ago, for a couple years, and dropped away when we moved.  I loved my "old" group so much I did not want to go to another [for anyone reading -- learn from my bad example], and was slipping into my old ways.

Mrs. Somewhere has been in AA for years [a private college threatened to kick her out -- said while she could make the grades, they would not graduate a drunk].  Whle that kept her drinking and drugs mostly in check it does not really directly deal with the mental illness issues.  She did have a relapse about 7 years ago, but never changed her "date."  Did not understand what all that meant at the time.  I do now.  Part of the lies that bind and chain her.

When some of the crazy stuff pushed us over the edge this last Summer, I went back to Al-Anon with my tail between my legs.  Been a GREAT thing for me.  Started working real hard on my stuff, and Mrs. and her sponsor, invited me to a email discussion regarding Eating Disorders -- her sponsor had Been There, Done That, too.   

Problem with a Borderline Type ever letting different groups of people get together is the story mis-matches.  Mrs. S had been lying to the sponsor for years that I would not let Mrs. S go to Re-Hab.  I just laughed and said it sounded good to me.  By the time Thelma and Louise (my nickname for Mrs. S and her Sponsor) got the Re-Hab planned, they screwed up the schedule and the whole thing was a basket-case mess.

She came back half-baked, but I was already Very Deep on the Al-Anon track (Thank You, God, again).  With her going full-blown wacky, it caused me to study what the real illness is and has been going on.  For Years. 

Answer:  Emotional Dyregulation, likely due to HyperActive Amygdala.  Borderline in less clinical terms.  With all the rest of Borderline Line-up.

At any rate, you asked what 12 step program(s) have done for us.  And at the brief level, that is some of it.  Anyone wants more details, help, etc., I am both obliged, and happy to give it.