BPDFamily.com

I am married to uBPDh. We have been together 10 years, and during that time I have lost a business, savings, house, car, my mind- for a while. I know I need to  leave. So here are what I perceive my choices to be.

We have a small house that is paid for up for sale. When that sells I can attempt to get half the money, which will not be much maybe $25k and leave.

I am trying to do a refresher nursing program that will run about 6 months. I will be gone alot. This alone could be a problem, my absence,  but I also would not have many expenses if I stayed.

I could stay. I have been using SET model with success for a week but i can see he responds very well.  I just dont know if i can do it indefinately, although I    may get used to it. I sort of feel  like a broken record.

Now here are the complications.

First off, I have a 22 year old Autistic,mentally challenged son that is coming out of a residential school and moving into a rental house we are currently in while our house is for sale. Right now my son is WHITE and wonderful, as we see him  only once a week. He really cannot handle turning black... .  and he has been black before. One of the reasons I have place him out of my home. But for the  past 5 years he has been   white and  loves his stepdad as his adoptive dad abandoned him.

If the house sells and I decide to leave, I have to get part of the money so I can leave. If I ask, I have to be prepared to leave immediately.

I have 3 dogs that have been what had helped me keep my sanity, and no one will let me move in with 3 dogs. I understand that. But I wont leave my dogs.

I plan to be a travelling nurse to a degree and wont be around as much once I get back to work. I plan on  going where I can take my dogs.

uBPDh says over and over our marriage is over for 3 years and no sex for 3 years. He devalues me frequently, although right now I am not at the top  of the black list.  (lucky me)

So I know take the money and run is the best choice except I HAVE to focus and do well in my nursing program so I can support myself. My son HAS to be discharged and I HAVE to get him settled which will take a couple of months, notfull time though.

The house has not sold but most likely will in a few months if not sooner.

I also know my part in getting involved with a pwBPD. difficult childhood, divorced parents, I have bipolar disorder, but am the exception, I always take my meds, dont  drink,and get regular sleep... .  take care of my as much as I can.

There are logistics about your separation – money, dogs, travelling and there are the emotional ones – your needs, safety, sanity, emotional stability – we need to try to separate that out – compartmentalize if you will.

To avoid complicating it - what would need to happen for your relationship to get better – what do you think that would be? And do you see that happening?