BPDFamily.com

Today is my youngest daughters 13th bday.  Really struggling today as this is another milestone I thought we would be celebrating as a family. :'(

Cal, it is so difficult coping with the loss when "family things" come up. For me, not being around her means I'm not around her 5yr son, who was my best buddy and what seemed my only source of happiness or joy for 2 years. i'm doing no contact for going on 2 months, which means NC with him either. It gets me so down sometimes. It's only better when I look at the idea of acceptence and understanding this is the way it has to be in order for healing to happen. The Serenity prayer help and gets my head in the correct perspective. She used him for a pawn for so long to "get to me" and that game had to stop. I feel like I have abandon him at times, (which is exactly the way she wants me to feel) Acceptence to me is realizing it is the way it is and no guilt, shame, fear, or any miricle in the universe is not going to change the way it is. I haven't wrote on here in a while. I needed to write today. Thank you.

In some cases, having a child around seems to make it easier for the BPD to paint you black, by using the excuse that "I don't need anyone else in my life besides my child." It's an unfortunate responsibility to put on a child, that they have to be the sole source of love for a BPD parent.

For single BPD parents, they also seem to think that no one else can possibly love the child like they do, an extension of "I'm broken, you can't love me."

The good thing is, kids are resilient. The bad thing is, they usually pick up at least a few bad habits from the BPD.  Makes NC so hard when you think about the child.

Hang in there both of you, one day at a time

The good news is that at least we have true joint custody 1 week and 1 week.  So my daughter has one sain mind with her.  she has been saying how her mother is getting upset with her about the littlest things.  Honestly it would not surprise me if eventually my daughter decides she would like to stay with me the full time within a year or two - but I'm never going to push that or mention it to my daughter.  But if my daughter ever asks I'll be there for her 100%

Milestones are so hard... .  

I know it's so much easier to give advice than to take it, but try and make a new ritual for you and your daughter on your birthday :) 

Happy birthday to your girl 

How do you deal with this clancy? That is what used to kill me, I told ex's 2.5 yr old daughter ":)addy has to go away for a little while" with full intention of returning one day as she cried for me while her mother ripped her away. I feel like I let step-daughter down and that's what hurts the most.

Cal, milestones are hard as they seem to trigger big emotion, holidays,special days, these are all hard events, be happy for a healthy happy 13 yr old teen that's about to embark on life's journey's, some of the best years are coming (some of the most frustrating as well lol) . Happy birthday to her and i hope you celebrate it with her as you+her=Family  :)

There are those of us here that no longer get to experience our daughters/sons at all, be thankful for your blessing to still have her in your life  :)