BPDFamily.com

After four years of craziness, I am faced with a completely new prospect... .  he is terminally ill.

He has been having stomach problems but I am not sure if I can believe him when he says he has adenocarcinomas and only has six months.  Is a symptom of BPD "faking an illness"?

He is convincing in his facts but how sad it is that my first thoughts are, "Is he lying?"

Yes.  Anything to keep you where you are.  They are helpless, so you must stay, it is your moral obligation, etc, etc. 

Though the situation could be true, it is entirely possible that it is all made up.  Sad to have to think this way, isn't it?

Well any condition like that would require immediate attention. Chemo, drugs, hospitalization. To be told by a doctor you have 6 months and let it go at that would be unheard of without at least more opinions and possible options.

We went through what we now call The Great Cancer Scare with my DH's ex.  It was a cyst.

Whether faked or exagerrated, it has happened and been mentioned on this board a number of times.

While the doctor has privacy restrictions on what he/she can tell you, you could contact him/her to ask how you can be of support for your husband's diagnosis of cancer.  You would either get good info, or you would be told there is no cancer.

They probably would to keep you hanging on.

However, they could also fully beleive it and it not be true too. Was he actually diagnosed by a Doctor?  My husband has had terrible stomach problems, had lots of tests done and eventually they found something wrong with him but he still feels terrible. With all the tests comming back negative, he still thinks he has stomach cancer or some kind of cancer. I've sat in the doctors office with him and he will take one thing the doctor says and he will twist it to fit what he thinks is wrong with him. He won't listen to everything the doctor has to say. This is why I choose to always go to the doctor with him. If I don't then he will come home and tell me stuff is wrong with him that isn't actually wrong with him.

My XH told me he had bone cancer to get me to stay, once.  He said, with great big tears in his eyes, "Just stay until I die, please!"  This happened after a 4 hour rage followed by 3 weeks solid of him not speaking to me or even staying in the same room as me.   Of course, he didn't "want to talk about it, it's too upsetting" when I asked for more information.  C'mon, I'm a medical professional and I doubt you could be diagnosed without me having any idea of appointments and biopsies, etc.

He is alive and physically healthy- 2 1/2 years later.

He also told me his mom had Alzheimer's and he needed my help.  Untrue.

My fiance's XuBPDGF said she had surgery for cancer, but never had any symptoms, nor follow up for radiation or chemo or even any time off from shared parenting for recovery or doctor visits.  He believed her, but I don't!

Yes, anything to keep you there.  Anything at all.

Probably yes. In beginning of our r/s when I was thinking of getting out, suddenly she disclosed that her Cancer doc wants biosy because she might have her cancer spread to other organs and she said if it tests come positive then, she only have a few months of life left. I was very sad and decided to stay in r/s thinking I dont want to leave her this condition when she might have only a few months left. The biosy and tests came negative and I was stuck and could not leave as r/s kept getting deeper and deeper. She agreed to show me test results but ,always forgets and never showed me any test results.

Yes, I've had a "suspicious lump, but don't want to say where, its too private" only to find out it was a small cyst on his arm?

A family member keeps 'collapsing' all over the place, every time I catch him in a lie and ask him to explain himself... . "can't talk now,,so and so has just collapsed, talk later !" ... .  and all with no follow ups, and all never mentioned again!

Jeez, I even know it's coming!

Thanks all. I didn't go to work and cancelled lunch plans with a couple of old girlfriends only  to find out later it was a fabrication. I, of course, was relieved but upset that he would do something so sick. But then, he is sick right? Now he is in the ignoring me mode that you mentioned, JDoe.  Of course, tomorrow he could be sweeping me up for a fabuulous trip to Paris.

My friend's exh, who sounds uBPD maybe with a touch of APD, faked pancreatic cancer to her, their teenage kids, and his whole family.  He still alive several years later.  They joke about what stage his cancer is now.

My H's exw has "high risk" cervical cancer, no insurance, and had a special procedure done at the local teaching hospital.  Very skeptical because there were no mentions of the procedure's success and follow up treatment and there were no changes re: visitation, etc.

Some people just crave attention.

It's been a long time since I've signed on to this board and even longer since I've posted.  Things have been rough lately though and I found myself on here today, just reading through many of the random posts.  I can relate to the vast majority, but this post in particular caught my attention.  Simply put, it made me think back on past events and made me realize that I may have been told a similar lie by my BPD wife. 

A few years back, while visiting family out of the country my wife mentioned her doctor thought some test had come back abnormal and wanted her to have an MRI.  She supposedly had it done and they identified an extremely small tumor that would need to be checked every year or so (make sure it wasn't growing).  I was of course relieved to hear that for the time being it was nothing serious and was sure she'd make sure to keep up on it. 

The next time it came up though was ~18 months later when we were having a fight and she accused me of not caring, because I hadn't asked about the tumor. 

Funny thing is, I made a point of asking after that (2 years on now) and it just never came up again.  She'd say she'd get it checked out next time she was home (visiting family), but to the best of my knowledge that hasn't happened.  Even stranger, I've never heard a peep about it from her family.  They are extremely close and know every detail of each others lives.  If someone has a health issue it always comes up in conversation.  How did I not realize that this never had?

I am normally pretty good at catching her lies, but I think this one blew right by me.  Wow.  Glad I saw this topic.  It's making me wonder what else I may have fallen for recently.