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I'm watching the movie "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and in the movie it is said that "we accept the love we think we deserve". 

That really is the truth, isn't it?  If we accept the abuse and lack of boundaries, etc, that's pretty much what we think we deserve.  Obviously, my self worth is not very good for me to accept what i did.

I think I'm just know really starting to get that face that it truly is more about us.

Kinda a lightbulb moment for me... .  

Us? What are you talking about? This isn't about us. We don't accept the abuse, we let it happen, as a shock. There is no such thing as acceptance of this abuse because one way or another we "wake" up, realize we got destroyed and end up here.

The reason why we let the abuse happen during shock/trauma is because we think we deserve the love we had before all that drama in the hatred phase started.

No one, sane rational being allows abuse.

 harmkrakow,

We don't accept the abuse, we let it happen, as a shock.


Um... .  that in itself IS accepting the abuse.

IF we didn't- we would have turned around and walked away at the first HINT of abuse-and for most of us there were more than hints. I know I had them-I simply ignored them-the idealization was too heady.

Most of us not only accepted it we ALSO rationalized it, explained it to ourselves and others as "they are troubled" and "have poor reactions to stress"... .  we looked the other way, pretended it didn't happen or wasn't that bad-there are many ways to deny the Reality of what happened.

If I had walked away from the budding r/s with my (THEN) bf when he became a verbally abusive bully -trapping me in the car as he drove, to rant at me about getting money from my divorce to my first husband of the rest of the BPD r/s between us would EVER have evolved-bringing me here.

Perhaps the first instance took me by surprise-but MY reactions to it allowed further abuse!

In that way, I WAS a (subconsciously) willing participant. I have to own that before I can fully heal and move on.

GL

stolemysoul, yes absolutely! Ever heard of the Stockholm Syndrome? - we learn to love our abusers and yes by staying in the relationship at the first sign of abuse - we are in fact accepting the abuse. This is an important realisation stolemysoul - we need to be accountable for staying - we were not coerced or had a gun held to our head - we are adults who chose to stay.

A person with good self worth does not choose an abusive relationship - instead they say "lovely to meet you, I don't see us having a long term relationship". Period!

The love I thought I was getting was incredible.  I actually didn't think I deserved it!  Flowers, romantic gestures, hotel bookings... .  I finally accepted that maybe I WAS worth it... .  

I didn't see her BPD traits right until the bitter end.  And then we split.  So to be honest, I never accepted anything other than a beautiful romance.

I guess that's one thing I am pleased about :) x

Ha, what is weird is that my ex BPD SO actually said/wrote in the end with me this same exact line "we accept the love we think we deserve". 

Why is that that they cause so much hell and do everything to get rid of us then accuse us of being the ones that didn't love them enough?  is it just to make themselves feel better about what they did or is it because they really feel like we really didn't love them enough and were abandoning them?   I really have no clue on this one. 

They paint us black in the end for them to justify that breaking up with us, is justifying their reasons for breaking up with you. As in, when I say I hate you, and thus hit you, or call you bad names, you deserve it, because I just said I hated you. Keep this going and you start believing that you are not the right person and therefore thus I should go away from you. It's emotional immaturity at it's best.