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Title: Made a mistake again... Post by: wanttoknowmore on March 17, 2013, 08:41:06 AM After days of S.T., pwBPD started text balming in response to my reaching out. Yesterday, I invited her for lunch.My goal was to provide support and validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation). She said "I will let you know when I am ready" I became hopeful for a face to face meeting so that I can help . This morning, I called saying"Good Morning... Can we have lunch today" She was so enraged ,crying,yelling,cursing in a very intense rage ,mostly blaming me for
calling her names,putting down her family and saying that she just want to die... she is so tired of everything. I think I made a big mistake by contacting her again while she is still hugely dysregulated. I have to go NC. OMG. My heart is pounding, her loud voice on phone and crying is echoing in my ears... OMG... what should I do? Why I keep making these mistakes of trying to contact her? I am motivated by desire to be of help as I know she is suffering badly. Title: Re: Made a mistake again... Post by: crazylife on March 17, 2013, 09:57:37 AM Is this the triangle for rescuer, victim and persecuter? Maybe doing some research on that might help give you some insight. I definitely fit into that triangle alot... trying to get out. Sometimes the road to perdition is paved with good intentions. If it wasnt done maliciously, and it wsnt, you just have to accept this as a huge learning curve and try not to do it again. Sounds like she was already dysregulated and you stumbled into the middle.
Title: Re: Made a mistake again... Post by: Surnia on March 17, 2013, 12:16:47 PM Hi wanttoknowmore
So sorry to hear about your last encounter with your gf. I understand your desire about helping her. Sometimes we have to recognize our own powerlessness. I agree with crazylife about some reading about the Karpman triangle (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0). Did you know the Lessons on Staying board? Don't beat yourself about mistakes, wanttoknowmore. We all are making mistakes. |