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Im going on vacation soon and sadly my BPDh will not be joining me.

Its still about 3 weeks to go but already i feel that hes scared.

How can i assist in making him feel less abandoned. I will be gone for a month.

Hi Wishful thinking,

one month! (thinking about it !)  And he does not come along! (!) He must feel terribly worried! And envious. And afraid what you do! And what if something happens to either one of you    You having a good time and he is suffering  :'(. Poor guy. What do the neighbors, colleagues and family think? How will he cope   when something comes up? He is rightly frightened  

There is plenty of stuff to validate... .    (see related workshops). Also SET can be used:

S: Oh dear

E: it will be ... .  (hard, awful, etc)

T: being apart for some longer time will be a real change and not easy for us. At the moment you feel blue and there will be times too where I struggle too. But it is the plan and we need to stick to it. And when getting together we will appreciate each other even more.

Have a clear plan when to communicate (adhere to it 100% on your side).

And enjoy your time away  *),

a0

my oh my

Ive been away for 2 weeks and still a further 2weeks to go.

Mistake nr 1 - I forgot to set set times for us to communicate.

Reason is that he is usually so exhausted from work and goes to bed early and these are the times that im attending to my sick father in hospital but this is no excuse

Anyways, we text during the day. Due to time differences he will always text first while Im still asleep.

He has been very stressed out as he thinks i might be leaving him and not go back to him. I try to reassure him everyday when he expresses such insecurity

Being away for the first time have brought alot of things to the surface

1 - I find myself to be alone in this marriage

2 - He doesnt want to do anything when we together 

3 - He doesnt want to take responsibility for the smallest of things - he wants me to load call time for him (im abroad and he feels that he wouldnt know how to recharge his call time through an atm)

5 - his neediness is burning me out

6 - Hes missing me and we end up fighting cos i dont want to send a nude pic

7 - He thinks Im enjoying my holiday - my father is ill with cancer and was in hospital for a month site

Hi Wishfull Thinking

Stressful time for you. You are no doubt feeling less patient with your partner as you have important things to attend to with your dad. Am sure that your dad really appreciates you being there for him - it must be a great comfort to him to have you visiting.