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I'm sure many if you here experience the same thing: deep sadness when you see the scars from cutting. My d hasn't cut in almost a year. But the scars from old cuts are so visible that the pain of it is still there. I can't understand at all why someone would want to do that to themselves and the therapist can't give me a satisfactory answer either.

My d is happy and doing so much better but those scars just remind me how awful it can get.

Peace to everyone.

that is good news... .  a whole year!

My dd15 had gone three months and I thought that was a miracle ... .  I know what you mean about the scares... .  it is hard to look at but I hope in time they will get less.

I hope things are good for you all... .  sometimes when things are going good it is hard to enjoy that because you are always looking for the other shoe to drop but don't stay in the past... .  sounds like things are going well for you all... .  so happy to hear good new for a change... .  

AV: so happy your daughter is doing well.  I know what you mean about looking at the scars.  DD goes for periods of times where she does not cut. Now is one of them but I still am so saddened by the scars on her arms and legs.  I myself cannot understand why someone would want to do this but maybe this will help you.  One time I was so upset by this and I was talking to her T and she said to me, "right now this is DD's only way of speaking to us.  It is her only way of expressing her pain. It is hard for parents to see but for now this is how she deals with her emotions until she finds a better way".  I am always praying that she will find a better way.

Griz

Hello almostvegan,

Good to see you here.

Thought reading the replies in this recent thread might help with understanding:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=196545.0

griz

you hit the nail on the head... .  I do think this is why my dd does it too... .  she just doesn't have the skills to express her feelings... .  it is a cry we can't ignore

An entire year is great!  CONGRATULATIONS on that! And yes, I totally understand what you are saying about the scars.  It has been 2 weeks for our 13 y/o DD since she cut and as far as we know, had an episode of bulimia (do you also deal with the eating disorders?), but yeah, when I see the scars on the arms or even whenever she goes into the bathroom, all I can think of is those horrible things she has done to herself. 

I am so happy for you though.  A year is GREAT progress  :)!

Dear almostvegan,

Such good news for you and your family!   Yes, the scars are difficult to see.  I am so happy that things are better, though.

Reality

It is great! Thank you for reminding me to look at that as a positive!

My daughter goes off and on with cutting. I am hopeful that the scars will disappear with time (mederma can help with the scars; however, she may want to have the scars for a while to remind her of how far she has come). I think there are different reasons for different people. But it comes down to wanting to pull the pain away from the inside to the outside. To feel a release. To stop feeling numb. Cutting releases endorfins and can give a brief uplift out of boredom or mental pain. It can be an attention getting mechanism.

When I had depression as a teen, I cut. It scared me so I scratched myself instead or hit the inside of my arms until they bruised. I still have the urges when I am depressed or angry. It is an addiction and one not easy to shake.