BPDFamily.com

I am so upset.  I was doing just fine without him.  Then he comes around on valentines day.  I only started this thing last august and i really came on here cause I wasn't sure what he had.  August through October was pure hell so I had NC.   Then he comes around.   We talk.  He's civil. Actually listens to me.  Now, he says he has a Sex Addiction Alcohol Abuse, PSTD Bipolar 2 but not BPD.   He never has taken me anywhere and complains non stop about everything and everyone.  He has supervised visitation with his kids, restraining order from his wife and pending cases with court.   I try not to tell how I feel about anything but when he was going out with a girl half his age (to help her with DBT) I lost it.   He never has asked me anywhere.  He wants meto be available and does not want to be intimate with me but wants to stay the night.  He just wants me to listen all the time and he never shuts up.  Even through a movie.  Talks nonstop. So I say I can't beleive he made plans with a 22 year old a week in advance and can never make plans with me because in his words "it sucks to be him" and he can't make time for me.   Next thing I am arrogant and selfish and horrible, I am a liar.  Tons of Text from about some Budda book.  Tells me I can't see the horribleness in myself.  That I am a victim.   So I feel like a piece of crap.  Beause I got jealous.  Because there seems to be something wrong with me.   Everytime I talk to this man he throws bits and pieces in that almost seem truthful and maybe I am the messed up one.   I can't even imagine being in a relationship as long as soem of you have like this.   Logically I feel it is him with the problem but then I get so sick about it.  I have been on here, I have prayed I have seen my shrink.  I can't honestly figure out if its me that is the problem or him.  The other night he left two messages that started out You you you.  I jsut deleted them and Now I am scared to death that I missed something important that could have helped the situation.  How do you stop this crazy obsession.  I swear sometimes it is me .  The more I read about this the more I keep thinking I should be kinder. or something.   The key is just to never speak.  How Freakin hard is that.    I just want to cry.  He's gone now and he has his free time again.  Sometimes I don't think I can get over the craziness.  Its jus a no darn good relationship.  It makes me sad.

And people don't go out with people for many reasons, they don't like smokers, drinkers or religious or ethic backgrounds.  They don't like tall, short fat thin people.  Why can't I just say I don't like this relationship because it is unhealthy.  Incredible guilt I feel.  Really.   Sorry about my verbal vomit.