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Title: Just Checking In here Post by: nowwhatz on March 22, 2013, 11:54:58 PM Over a month or more out of the last recycle. No contact. No tears. No severe depression.
But am concerned that I could be suppressing some needed "grieving." I block her out of my mind and keep myself so incredibly busy I have no time to think about her/it. I go to therapy. Have plenty of work drama to fill my drama quota. I have a girl who likes me and likes to go out with me and have sex. Many things in my life are on the upswing. I am involved in a lot of music and am getting into different types of music I hadn't had much time to discover before (progressive/experimental black/death metal... . I know sounds negative lol... . but I am learning new styles on my guitar and enjoying it). However I am seeing some of the consequences of being in the crazy r/s. Not sure if I can ever be in a r/s again. Now I am afraid of any possibility and nobody can compare to the intensity of the BPD r/s. Etc. blah blah. You know the drill. As I get away from the fog I am thinking of trying to repair the friendships and valuable relationships that were damaged during my time with Miss "it." Also at this point there is a lingering concern that "it" will soon make another attempt to return. Still I worry a bit that I will never relate to women in a healthy way again... . concerned that the shadow will always be with me going forward. Title: Re: Just Checking In here Post by: sad but wiser on March 23, 2013, 01:26:57 AM Dear nowhatz - yeah, that was me after the first shock, too busy by choice to feel much of anything most of the time. Just wait, 6 months out and I am hurting and depressed. It is almost a relief, because I knew there ought to be more feelings going on here... .
Title: Re: Just Checking In here Post by: nowwhatz on March 23, 2013, 11:03:47 AM Dear nowhatz - yeah, that was me after the first shock, too busy by choice to feel much of anything most of the time. Just wait, 6 months out and I am hurting and depressed. It is almost a relief, because I knew there ought to be more feelings going on here... . Sad But Wiser, You know... . I have gone through so many recycles and had so many bad periods of depression after the recycles I think either I feel like an "old pro." But now I consciously block thoughts and feelings of her/it out of my life. On the other hand I finally got tired of the nonsense so my thoughts and feelings are not going to be as prevalent anyway. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle and I will go through some grieving down the road... . but even my attitude about grieving for this is somewhat been there done that... . Maybe this is progress! :) Title: Re: Just Checking In here Post by: sad but wiser on March 24, 2013, 02:57:37 AM It sounds like progress toward detaching. Good for you! Once you understand the process, it is a bit like knowing how a magician did a trick, isn't it? You just know what is going on, and it never seems magical again. *)
Title: Re: Just Checking In here Post by: willy45 on March 24, 2013, 09:54:51 AM Good for you man. I think that is great! I am not at the point where I can consciously block her out of my mind. I know that is that is the healthiest thing to do, for sure. I'm just not there yet. I'm trying!
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