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Title: the mask of a BPD Post by: squashed.human on March 25, 2013, 05:42:20 AM most of us by now aware of how a BPD see black and white , also the issue of idealization and devaluation . If that's how BPD see others then they don't wanna be seen black or devalued , they realize they're not perfect (looks gray) and so they put a white mask in fear of looking black or being devalued and so to always be idealized. Every attempt from our side to make them admit being wrong at certain action or thought , would look to them as if we trying to pull that mask away exposing how ugly (in their point of they only) they are. What if i can convey the idea that i know what behind the mask and that I'm consent with it and still want her regardless to how gray she appear, no one is perfect (was my mistake when we first met i kept telling her she is and now she afraid to be degraded in my eyes) . Love makes us perfect and ignore the flows. I hope someone can verify my point of view about the mask and translate it into tools and actions if it's correct.
Title: Re: the mask of a BPD Post by: Rockylove on March 25, 2013, 06:32:36 AM most of us by now aware of how a BPD see black and white , also the issue of idealization and devaluation . If that's how BPD see others then they don't wanna be seen black or devalued , they realize they're not perfect (looks gray) and so they put a white mask in fear of looking black or being devalued and so to always be idealized. I think I understand what you're getting at here, but I'm not sure that the BPD has that concept of being in the gray area (looks gray). They very well may put on a good front at first, but it's impossible to maintain and they fall short of their perceived perfection and therefore become the angel of darkness. One 'mistake' and they are in punitive mode. Every attempt from our side to make them admit being wrong at certain action or thought , would look to them as if we trying to pull that mask away exposing how ugly (in their point of they only) they are. I don't think anyone likes admitting they are wrong, but for the BPD it is far more seriously taken as an admission that they are all bad. So in essence, what you are saying here is correct. Pulling away their 'mask' is so very frightening because there is no gray area... . they are exposed and are painted black... . worthless, evil, etc. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56199.0 What if i can convey the idea that i know what behind the mask and that I'm consent with it and still want her regardless to how gray she appear, no one is perfect (was my mistake when we first met i kept telling her she is and now she afraid to be degraded in my eyes) . Love makes us perfect and ignore the flows. If you can convey that idea, please share how you did it as many of us would love to use the technique. Unfortunately, the nature of BPD is that they have flawed thinking. She will likely see this as an attempt to blow smoke up her butt. I don't mean to sound negative, just realistic. Because she can't ignore the flaws, she won't understand the concept of you being able to. https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm I hope someone can verify my point of view about the mask and translate it into tools and actions if it's correct. I don't know that I can verify your point of view, but I certainly understand where your heart is on this. I've often told my fiance that he's not perfect and neither am I, but we are perfectly imperfect together. If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to read the lessons, tools and any of the recommended books as they will give you a better understanding of how the mind of the BPD sufferer works. This is a very complicated disorder and living with the BPD is a challenging road. I'm finding new twists, turns and road blocks every day and the support I have found here in this forum has been a tremendous blessing in keeping myself from driving off the edge of the road. |