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Title: In dealing with a BPD partner, plotting your exit plan is crucial Post by: nenito on March 25, 2013, 07:44:20 AM I say, whether you carry it out or not, having an exit plan is crucial. Write down all of the fears that have held you back for as long as you have stayed with this BPD partner. Next, think very selfishly, but also think of all the talents and traits you came to thsi world with. Next, imagine a future where you are left with nothing and you had to start over. Recognize that being alive is enough and all material things are worth nothing and that you have the talents to start a new life. Create an exit plan, where would you go, what would you do for a living, how would you respond to people begging you to re-consider. Now you have the plan, now start being very assertive to this BPD person you are with. Tell it like it is, like you feel it, like it has been. Let them know the hell you have been through and that you have only stayed back due to fear and you will no longer answer to every request. State clearly that the fear is gone and that you will not tolerate the abuse to you or others. Tell them you will not accept their flaws being projected on you and that it is they who have to change or they have the option to go pursue their dream life where everything is so perfect. Do not care for any need or request. Tell them to solve their own problems and be adult. Be ready at all times to execute your plan as you may have to. Worst that can happen is that you have to execute it. Best: they stat changing. Allow at least 90 days to see if things really pick up, don't draw conclusions too early with a BPD partner. They are not to be trusted.
Title: Re: In dealing with a BPD partner, plotting your exit plan is crucial Post by: hithere on March 25, 2013, 10:38:12 AM Having an exit plan is very empowering especially after being abused for so long in a BPD relationship.
I was saving money for first and last for a few months and she found it and took it. I was smart enough to have a few bucks put aside from a break we had so I still had enough money to break-away. I did not tell her about my moving out until the day I got keys for my new place and then I stayed at a friends that weekend before moving in on the Monday to the new place. She tried to talk me into staying with her that weekend but I knew there was no upside, glad I did not take that chance. Friends and family can help with moral support, a temporary place to stay and even a short-term loan. Title: Re: In dealing with a BPD partner, plotting your exit plan is crucial Post by: tuum est61 on March 26, 2013, 03:53:08 PM Allow at least 90 days to see if things really pick up, don't draw conclusions too early with a BPD partner. They are not to be trusted. So where are you at on the 90 days? In one of your previous posts, it seems to suggest you are now about 3 days in and youve noticed some change. Is this the first 3 of the 90? |