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Title: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: absurdio on March 25, 2013, 02:56:00 PM About 4 months ago, my undx BPD gf dumped me. We were fighting a lot. She said really abusive things to me and I responded in kind, but to a lesser degree. She felt unloved by me so she turned to another guy who treated her better. Nothing BPD about that. It was the splitting that hurt so much. Recently we have made up. She knows she split me black but acknowleges that she did it so that she wouldn't be tempted to come back to me. She compared it to flushing an addictive drug away. 4 months apart has been very enlightening for us both. It was sheer hell for a while, but I can see so much more clearly now. She says so too. She has a new bf, except she really loves me and loves having sex with me. I suggested we dispwnse with the black and white thinking. It doesn't have to be him or me, love or hate. So basically she has two bf's now. Is this psycholigically healthy? I don't know. I'm way happier with this arrangement and I can date other women too. I'm enjoying life a lot more now.
Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: paperlung on March 25, 2013, 03:03:30 PM Stay safe, OP.
Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: grad on March 25, 2013, 03:04:06 PM You're enjoying life because you partially have again what you once had, but now you have someone else in a love triangle.
This is going to take a lot for you to absorb as you now have to balance her time with him with the time she spends with you. Chances are one of you is going to break while she has everything she wants, and if you want to be the one she ends up with you can't put any pressure on her to make decisions and allow her to come to you, when she wants to. If she wants a family and kids this is not a long-term solution but a short-term solution to her own insecurity. Then there's the issue of STD and unprotected sex. Keep your options open and have no expectation. Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: tailspin on March 25, 2013, 03:25:44 PM Is this psychologically healthy? Karpman Triangle is all about drama. I hope your "way happier" doesn't dissolve into bitter regret. I'm sure you will receive support on the staying board if this is your choice.
Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: mtmc01 on March 25, 2013, 03:27:10 PM Why is this an ok situation to you? Do you not feel that you deserve better than this? Answer: you do.
Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: freshstart48 on March 25, 2013, 04:32:00 PM Why is this an ok situation to you? Do you not feel that you deserve better than this? Answer: you do. x1000 Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: grad on March 25, 2013, 10:21:12 PM Why is this an ok situation to you? Do you not feel that you deserve better than this? Answer: you do. My ex of 1.5 months indicated she wanted the same thing, to go back to dating and be free and see other people as well. At first I was fine with it because we rushed into a r/s too soon but once you go forward, stepping back like this is like a slap in the face. A few days later after having to ask her out on a date then wait for a response I realized exactly what you said, I deserved better than this, and told her such and that we should just be friends. In hindsight now, knowing my track record of being shy and avoiding r/s because I'm so picky, I wouldn't be opposed to an open r/s with her but that would also mean I could do whatever I wanted when she wasn't around. It takes some time and distance to see the value in maintaining a comfortable distance and it also takes a willingness of both parties to give each other enough time to make it worthwhile. What frequency will work and satisfy both parties is the difficult part, along with the other issues of having multiple sexual partners. Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: Grey Kitty on March 25, 2013, 10:42:32 PM She has a new bf, except she really loves me and loves having sex with me. I suggested we dispwnse with the black and white thinking. It doesn't have to be him or me, love or hate. So basically she has two bf's now. Is this psycholigically healthy? I don't know. I'm way happier with this arrangement and I can date other women too. I'm enjoying life a lot more now. I won't say that this sort of arrangement can't work. I'll just say that it takes a lot more effort and communications to prevent it from exploding than a simple relationship with two people! Have you talked to the new bf and asked him what he thinks of this new situation? If you haven't, I'd expect fireworks (and not the good kind) sooner or later... . probably sooner. Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: BlushAndBashful on March 25, 2013, 11:15:18 PM Just sayin'... . I'm anticipating a "surprise" pregnancy within 3 months.
Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: blecker on March 26, 2013, 01:25:25 PM I think your userid says it all.
It won't work. It can't. All you have now is another unpredictable variable in a chaotic relationship. My best to you. Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: hithere on March 26, 2013, 01:29:13 PM Have to agree with the crowd here, it seems like you talked yourself into accepting a really strange and bad situation. Let us know how it goes.
Title: Re: I got my BPD gf back through comprimise. Post by: coasterhusband on March 27, 2013, 12:25:20 AM No.
That's the simple and clear answer. No. It's almost certainly going to end in a massive, unmitigated disaster. I know it's pretty awesome to have this perfect guy dream: Great sex, no commitment, and potential for more than one girl at a time. But before you know it, and I say this only in half jest, she's going to be screaming at you at your place of employment while she accuses you of things you never did and your co-workers never forget. Or something equally horrifying. If that's worth the sexual adventure, buckle up and watch out. Otherwise, run. |