BPDFamily.com

I am shocked and at a loss of words.

4 ½ weeks ago we had an argument that started over a trivial stupid thing. Like she did many times previously, she yelled at me with rage. This time I could not calm her down and told her I was going to my brother’s house for 2 days for her to calm down.

From there things have progressively gotten worse. I have been split black(I now know what that means). She would not allow me to get my clothes or any of my other belongings. She would not allow any friends or family(mine or hers) to get anything for me. The only way for me to get my things was to hire a moving company to pack and move everything. She would not allow me to rent a large van and move things out the same way we moved them in…….with a little help from friends and family.

Today she said she would sell some of my items to raise the money to have my belongings moved.

Till today I have resisted calling the police. With the threat of her selling any of my stuff I called. She refused to comply with the police’s initial request to allow me to get my belongings. The officer told me he would try again. She hung on him and then would not answer the phone. He and his partner went to house. As they were knocking on the door, she refused to answer and even called the police on the police. The officers were not amused. Another officer told they have had problems with her before.

The officer said that he was going to obtain a search warrant and charge her with “possession of stolen” property. I asked if we could somehow avoid this drastic measure and we worked out a solution where this Saturday I could go to her house with the police, a moving van and a bunch of helpers and get my stuff. If she refuses to let us in they will charge her at that point.

She called me to say that there was no reason that I could pay for a moving company. She looked my bank statement and I have enough money. She then started to yell again. In the conversation I told her to look up “Personality Disorders”. I told her it would explain why this is happening.

Two hours later I got an email from her. She accused me of having a “mental problem”. All the facts that led to this were completely distorted. In the email she attached a “non-trespassing order” for me not to go on or near her property.  She also attached a “Cease and desist order” telling me to not say to anyone that she has a disorder. If I do not comply, she will sue me…………………The funny thing is that she wrote the orders herself on Word and sent them to me via an email. She sent a copy to the police dept.   I guess I am supposed to feel that she trumped the actual police knocking on her door with “legal” orders she wrote herself (She is not a laywer or Judge)……… Has anyone else ever seen such delusional actions?

So sorry, AJwhatThe, I would be shocked too!

Your gf is very desregulated right now. Good you could remove your stuff.

Some members here had similar things going on. When it comes to thermes with police, orders, all the legal stuff, the Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0) is also a good place.

I would be very careful from now on, staying in a safe distance and taking notes about her actions, if she should do something.

AJWhatthe,

Sorry to hear what you went through. Its sad to see that pwBPDs can lose control and do such desperate things basically to avoid feeling abandoned.

Your clothes may represent to her sick mind some sort of connection with the "good you" and she is trying to hold onto that by irrational methods.

I would just back off and go complete NO CONTACT for now. In dysregulated state ,she is capable of creating a lot more chaos and disturbance in your life. Who needs that?

 wow!  I wonder if she actually acknowledges how crazy that is. calling the police on the police?

Anyways, I would try to notify police of the fake documents and intimidation/ harassment. I would get ALL of your stuff and  never look back.

I think she was VERY threatened and exposed because she put a statement about "You not telling anybody she has a personality disorder!" Perhaps she read something that described her behaviour, or she obviously just knows you have gained knowledge yourself and she is exposed.

sorry you have to deal with such distortions!

Yes, I have seen my wife do this to her ex husband. It is legal to send such paperwork to the police. It puts it on record and can be used in court. This was told to my wife by her lawyer. Then my wife's ex husband did the same to both me and her. It was exhausting.

Then when my wife kicked me out and would NOT allow me to get my stuff, she acted the same way towards me telling me she would call the police if I went to the house. Again, it was exhausting and draining emotionally. I could not accept or understand why she was behaving this way. But I knew, I did not need this problem. I have custody of my kids and we both have the same judge for our custody cases and I worried that if she actually followed through with her threats, it would not bode well for me in court if we got the same judge. So, I stayed away.

When someone gets this emotionally charged, it is probably best to back way off. Which is what I did. I had to wait 3 months to get my families property. It wasn't until she moved out of the house we were renting together and she was all done moving, that I was able to go get my stuff. Funny thing is, she still took numerous items of mine. Things I wanted and I paid for. But, at this point, I just wrote it off. I am not going to try and get anything she took that was mine back.

Fact of the matter is, I don't even know where she moved to. I haven't the slightest idea where she went. If that is not crazy making, I don't know what is. But, I know she did the same thing to her mother. She has moved numerous times without her mother knowing where. And to think I would be have been treated any different, looking back, now I know. I am no different than anyone else in her life she has done this to. It's a shame.

At the end of the day, protect yourself and do what you can to get your stuff back and heal. This is scary behavior and no one deserves to be treated this way.

update

The whole idea of the police coming with me to pick up my belongings or charge was shot down by the Chief of Police. She sent him an email that infers with lies that I abused her and she fears for her life. The police have taken the apporach that this is now a court matter. I have proof with text messages that she is lying. They know she is lying but they cannot do anything. I have to get a court order from a Judge now to get my stuff back.

I had two trucks rented and 8 people ready to go when it was decided that they(the police)did not want to risk being sued by her.

She has done this before a couple of times and knows the system... .

Today I also found out that she had an affair(before my time) with the (married) ower of the company she worked at. She then threatened to charge him with sexual harrasement when he wanted to end it. She settled with him paying her money. Now that we are not together people(her family) are telling me what I shouldd have know before I moved in with her.

So sorry for what you are going through.

I do hope nothing in your belongings is terribly important or sentimental. In my BPD case when my exBPD husband moved out , he stole many pricey items of mine. Electronics, my wedding band *I* paid for- (about 2 grand total)

I hope someone on the board can give you some good advice as how to proceed from now!

good luck

Hi AJ

My son's father who I once suspected of NPD/OCPD would send inane, demanding and "legal looking" and "legal action threatening" emails to me and fortunatley, any of my possessions that I left with him, he disposed of and I considered it "cost of getting away from him". YES, they are DELUSIONAL. Yours seems to know the fine parts of how to "play the system". When it gets to court, can you have your time and monies that "you did as she directed" by getting a moving van and others to take all your possessions compensated to you? It seems like if it goes to court, you should have "damages" to declare over her abusive behavior.

I hope this works out for you quickly and that you can PROVE that she is "in possession of stolen property" somehow. It is so sad for us to realize HOW MENTALLY ILL our loved one HAS BEEN ALL ALONG and we are JUST NOW beginning to understand. Good luck with this. Keep us posted. You sound like you are level headed about it and that it is "just a matter of time".

It makes me wonder, if not only for reasons of CONTROLLING US but also out of FEAR, that she might want to KEEP your things to KEEP you in her life. A strange response for a normal healthy person but may be a bit common for a pwBPD.