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Are you sure he is BPD? Seems to me he is passive-aggressive.

My BPD´s also have a problem with gifts, seems to me its a way of punishment (at least I see it like that).I guess somebody more experienced can help on this... .

Both of my BPDs have NPD traits and one is paranoid also. They are sisters and both undiagnosed, but they have some differences in behaviour, maybe cause of medication (one was diagnosed bipolar and medicated, although I believe she has BPD). Both have a problem with gifts, at first they used to give gifts, but ALWAYS very inappropriate, making it a way of humilliation. Or no gifts at all.

Since its a social convention I dont see how come your husband claimed he had no clue about the wedding gift (and continues to do so with everybody). Did u ever ask him why?

I can only think that, like you said, he is self-centered (as all BPDs). And since we agree he has PA traits, maybe its a way of punishment, a way to show his disregard for people´s feelings, to make a point that he doesnt care.

Oh, the silent treatment! I got it many times from a friend. Took me some time to address it properly. At first Id go after him, apologizing for anything I may had said, I wrote emails and phoned him (at some times he refused to pick up the phone). There was a time he went NC for 3 months and then started phoning again as if nothing had happened (!). It used to happen twice a year, meaning that for half of the year we´d be NC... . LOL. When I finally realized he is PA, I told him straight away and also said he would never do the silent treatment on me again, cause if he did, he didnt have to call back ever again. Amazingly, it worked so far! Never tried that again. Although he is PA, but now I confront him and made very clear where my boudaries stand.

I read a lot abt PA and silent treatment. Its a severe form of abuse. If you want to, I can send you some links. Its very childish behaviour, I agree with you. My friend is an engineer too, they are supposed to be rational and logical, but they behave like a 2 yo.

Your husband controls himself at work, so it means that as many BPD´s he knows exactly what buttons he can push, where and whose... .

I believe you deal with the situation very well. I dont feel anguish on your words or any kind of deep pain... . I think I overreact sometimes. :)

Im not surprised, sine they are always the victims and dont take responsability for anything... .

I have never heard a person could have BPD and also PA traits... . From my experience they rage for no reason, they have no problem showing aggression... . I wonder how its possible to be both things.