BPDFamily.com

My mother and my stepdad... . were at it yesterday, calling me everything under the sun... . they got me to the point where I collapsed on the floor, held my head and screamed over and over again at the top of my lungs telling them to "please, please please... . leave me alone."


and then they mock me... "OH I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CHRISTIAN? what happened? you're a hypocrite!"

senseless yelling and calling me names from 1pm to 10pm... .

The minute I say "oh I dont like this" or I have an opinion about a dress, or about something... . Why does my uBPD mom always have to find an evil ulterior motive to everything I say/do?

PLease please pray that I'll have patience with my parents. ... . (dont tell me to leave, i cant leave yet )

I can relate to your predicament. You may not be able to leave yet, but perhaps this site can help get you some perspective within the faith.

www.luke173ministries.org/

It has helped me quite a bit since I started working on my issues, especially with the faith-related ones. I wish you peace in this time of strife. Good luck to you on your journey.

Cheshire

My BPDm would accuse me of being a hypocrite and a bad Christian when I tried to protect myself, too. It is religious abuse. It hurt me very deeply, because my relationship with God was the most important thing in my life. I felt ashamed and such a failure... . I did not want to disappoint Jesus. I wanted to please Him. I wanted my mother to see His love through me, and I felt I was letting Him down because I was such a bad and "disrespectful" daughter.

It wasn't true.

I was a good person. I was a good daughter. I was a good servant of God.

I was being abused. I was going through normal developmental stages of trying to become an independent adult and being punished for it. My mother would push and prod until I lost my temper or fought back... . she had purposefully pushed me past my limits, and would not accept respect when I gave it to her. She broke me down ON PURPOSE so that she could make me the "evil" one. This is psychological abuse. It was not my fault. It is not your fault, either. You are being tortured like a POW. You are being beaten down. That does not mean you are bad or something is wrong with you. You do not deserve to be treated that way.

No one deserves to be yelled at for 9 minutes, let alone 9 hours. Anyone would break down under that kind of abuse.

It is not un-Christian to want abuse to end. It is not wrong to demand it stop. You are not a bad Christian or a hypocrite because you are not willing or able to be someone's garbage dump. That is not what you were created for. Your mother hates God if she treats His child that way. Do not think for one minute that she is capable of telling you the truth about Him.

I won't tell you to leave. You know you have that option. But I won't tell you you've been impatient, either. You've been more patient than most people have the capacity to be. I will just tell you to SURVIVE. You deserve a life where YOU are treated with patience and respect. I want you to work toward that life... . but being safe today is the first step.

Look over the Safety First links, remember you can always reach out for more help. What are you doing to stay safe today? How are you surviving?

Are you still seeing your T?

Wishing you peace,

PF

Dear DontGiveUpOnMe,

You are not any of the names they called you. You are a good Christian and a good person. If someone is hurting you, you have every right to tell them to stop. If they start yelling at you, can you go to your room and lock the door? Or maybe take a walk or drive somewhere? Even Jesus had to get away from people sometimes. You've probably seen this link before, but if you haven't, please check it out: Safety First (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

Keep posting hun. It's good to hear from you but I'm so sorry this happened. You didn't deserve it. Hang in there, dear one. Hold on. The sun will rise for you, dear one and there is peace in your future. You're going to make it.   I'm sending you safe hugs and loving care and support.

I'm a Christian, too, but I became a Christian at age 18 after I (physically, but clearly not mentally) left home.  I was the first person on either side of my family to become a born-again Christian. 

Being a Christian means that you've accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, not that you've become your mom's doormat.  People sometimes think that all Christians are like Ned Flanders, that we just roll over and let people abuse us.  We're still human beings, w/ wants and needs and rights. 

When I was reading your post, I thought of a few things.  The first is that the world hates Christians.  A lot of your battle w/ your mom could be spiritual, even if your mom is or claims to be a Christian. 

The second is that it may not even be about Christianity.  If you became a Muslim, or a vegan, or a Libertarian, or whatever, they'll attach that label to their attacks even though they may have nothing against the group itself.  It's just one more way to separate themselves from you.  Instead of being, for example, a cheater, you're now a vegan cheater. 

Can you get involved more with a church, or at least start meeting w/ a pastor?  I started meeting w/ a pastor about 6 years ago, once every week or two, and still meet w/ him.  I see a counselor for psychological issues (complex-PTSD), but he's helped me so much w/ the spiritual side of things.  It was from him that I learned that forgiving my parents didn't mean that I was supposed to be their whipping post.  It was OK if I never, ever, ever wanted anything to do w/ them again. 

I wasn't charged for the visits, either, and I have too much anxiety to go to church on Sunday, but I still see him.  You could just call around and ask if anyone could meet w/ you a few times to get you started.  If your mom asks where you're going, you could just say you're meeting w/ friends (true!) or that you're helping out at church.  She doesn't need to know that you're going to counseling.  The could probably even help you get to and from where you're meeting. 

About the verbal abuse (9 hours is flat-out abusive, btw), would it help if you zoned out, or figured out a way to get out of the situation?

One more thing that just occurred to me is that your parents are feeling threatened because you ARE on the right path.  Little by little, you're becoming more independent, and they don't like it.  Maybe you don't notice it right now, but they do.  They're starting to become aware that you're not their lap-dog, and that their "golden days" where they could treat you like garbage are drawing to a close.  This could all be an attempt to hold on to power that's slipping away. 

Even if you feel that you're not making progress, just coming here and talking about what's going on is a step that you've taken in the right direction.  Just keep praying and praying and try to get some spiritual guidance.  Put on the armor of God every morning.  Read your Bible, even call a hotline or church and ask to talk to someone over the phone about what's going on, and stay strong in the knowledge that God has claimed victory over your life.  When this life ends, you will see Jesus for yourself. 

Hey, DontGiveUpOnMe.

I was thinking about you today and have been saying prayers for you. How are you?

I wanted to say thank you for sharing, too. Sometimes I still minimize the abuse I went through or tell myself maybe my BPDm wasn't "that bad." When I read what you are going through and think how horrifying it is that anyone would do that to you, I also remember I have been through a lot of the same things. And then I realize, yes, it was that bad. I am not imagining. Hearing from you helps me validate my own experience. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I just wanted you to know you are helping others even when you are asking for help.

PF

Im so sorry Dontgiveuponme  .  You dont deserve to be treated like that.  I really hope you are making plans for how to leave that house someday. I.e. education, work, etc.    in the meantime try to avoid them and try listening to positive sermons, preachers, motivational speakers.  Forget the crap advice to forgive these people right now.  They are actively abusing you.  I will pray for you to stay strong.   

I just wanted to take the time to thank everybody for their responses... . I will refer back to these when I really want to sort out a problem... .  

because you're right, being a Christian doesnt mean I dont deserve to be treated like a human being.


I am still seeing my T and she is my biggest blessing, she has been with me for 2 years almost and she has never given up on me and sees me for free. I love her very much and my thoughts have been coming together and my life has been sorting out a lot praise the Lord.


Please keep me in your prayers guys, I still live here and I am becoming more independent... .   in a way they really might not like.

I will keep all of you in my prayers, thank you so much for being here for me *hugs to you all*

Amen, preach it sista! You deserve goodness and light and beauty, and to be treated with respect for who you are.


Good for you, hun. You should be really proud of your progress. Independence is important and a wonderful thing. I know it's kind of scary. Still, there is no shame in growing up and you should never feel guilty for becoming your own person. You are unique, and a real treasure, and I hope that you can keep stretching your wings so you can soar into your dreams.