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We live in a very small house that is quite cramped at the moment. BPDh spends most of his time in the master bedroom and I have pretty much stopped going in there except to get clothes. He does not clean the room (though he thinks he does) and I stopped sleeping with him months ago due to certain behaviors. I am the type of person that "re-energizes" through short periods of solitude. However, with the current circumstances, that has not been possible. So here's my thinking: I'm considering using a small amount of attic space to create a "getaway" spot for myself. Our attic was never meant for any real use. It is very small but a friend put down plywood "flooring" awhile back so we could use it for storage. We have put some things up there but there is still a decent sized space being unused. Interestingly enough, the only thing on that side is a rocking chair that has deep sentimental meaning to me. So I'm thinking I could take my spare laptop, some books, craft supplies (that he's been saying we need to get out of the way anyway), etc. and let that be a space I can go to for some solitude.

I know if I tell BPDh that my intent is to have a space to get away from him, he will flip out. But if I make it seem like I'm just trying to free up space in the rest of the house and give myself a place to "craft" that isn't in everyone else's way, do you think it might work? He has set aside space in the bedroom for his "office" so I intend to make the space in the attic seem like my "office".

I don't know why I'm so afraid of what he may think of this but I know I desperately need this space of my own and I don't know what other options I have.

Hi byasliver

Sounds like a great idea to me |iiii

Be prepared for him to still flip out (maybe?), or at least a mild version of it.  He might feel a sense of abandonment.  Don't let it deter you and don't JADE - justify, argue, defend or explain.  This is something you need for yourself *)

Say you put all the things there to free up space and work on things that he's not quite into I.e. think of anything he doesnt like- knitting, reading, painting, recipes, say all your hobby clutter lol anything do not say it's for you to have a little piece of zen space in the attic. Just my thought.

Do not make it sound healthy, happy or interesting. Just a place to sort through your extra stuff.

Then totally enjoy your quiet peaceful zen space :)

I did it! He's out of town visiting family this week so I worked on my little room today. I'm in it now and it is HEAVEN! My rocking chair at one end so I can read, email, whatever. Old rug on the floor so I can sit and spread out crafting projects. And we have a spare mattress that I'm going to bring up, too and there is plenty of room for that!

He actually knows how important solitude is to me and I had asked for a "craft room" for Christmas... . didn't get it. I'm hoping that since I did the work on my own, didn't spend any $ to do it and didn't bother him to do it, he won't really care.

I just can't believe how amazing this feels... . it's been months since I've had this kind of solitude... . words can't describe how delicious this is!

I know exactly how you feel.  I use a very small bedroom on the 2nd floor of our home for my studio/spare room (we actually have a very large spare bedroom up there as well, but I wanted my little futon bed in there just for me) It really is a wonderful feeling to have a small sanctuary!  My bf NEVER goes up stairs so it really is my haven.  I'm so glad you were able to make that space for yourself.  |iiii

That's great! Well done! You've done many clever things already. This, and in your other post your plan about taking out money and journaling on your phone to keep track of what's been said. Go you  |iiii