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Title: Do they really remember the abuse they gave? Post by: DesertChild on March 31, 2013, 12:01:08 PM I've read several cases and heard several cases of people who were abused, then turning around and giving abuse, but then not remembering that they did it or reframing that they never did it.
So does anyone know if they actually do remember properly? Or is part of the BOD/NPD, to not remember it? I know on the receiving end, I struggle with framing it as it happened... . so I tend to have to rely on what I wrote to get through it. But is it the same on the other end? Title: Re: Do they really remember the abuse they gave? Post by: P.F.Change on March 31, 2013, 07:02:52 PM Many people who are intensely emotionally agitated do dissociate and do not remember the episode. This can happen in BPD rage (if you have ever seen the "crazy-eyes" during a rage, you will know what I mean), or in a BiPolar manic state, or for other reasons. It's also true that sometimes people may remember an event but cannot psychologically afford to admit the truth. They may project or gaslight or deny. They may even believe the new version of events they have created. Then, there are people who know the truth but lie for other reasons.
So, when it comes to our pwBPD, the traumatic events in our past, which is it? Any of the above? All? None? I think it's impossible for us to say. At least until they finish inventing the mind-reading memory probe. :) Does the reason for your abuser's denial make a difference to you in terms of what you need to do to look after yourself? Would it hurt any less if you knew the answer? Wishing you peace, PF Title: Re: Do they really remember the abuse they gave? Post by: DesertChild on March 31, 2013, 07:15:40 PM Not really, but sometimes understanding helps me. It's not getting embroiled, but it's the act of a little compassion, perhaps towards that person with BPD, because while I will not engage, I do understand it's difficult. So understanding and knowing those difficulties kinda helps me accept and process what it does and doesn't involve--how much of that person is inadvertently being defined by the handicap of BPD, and how much besides that is them.
Does that make sense? It helps me sort a little. Ya know between the crazy of the BPD states and what is her... . because I'm not into making her out to be evil or "good" because that's just getting wrapped up into what she does. Instead, I would like some function of understandings, so while I get pissed at her, and she does things that push my buttons hard, I still can read the person past it. Thus being able to sort my memories more clearly. Don't know if that makes sense. |