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I'm having such a hard time maintaining no contact, because I feel like our relationship never happened to her. Being discarded and completely ignored and made to feel like less than deserving of the oxygen necessary to breath by the person you were engaged to marry in a matter of months is devastating. To make matters worse, even her family ignores me. I tried sending her father a text that one of her bills was sent here, and I received no response. I know I was a jerk at the end of the relationship and always had my emotionally abusive qualities that spawned as her alcoholism worsened. But, to just pretend like we never had anything, to never ask how I'm doing, to not ask me if I'd like to see our puppy, to not CARE... .   it rips at the very fibers of my soul. I feel like a "normal" person would have some remorse and after 6 weeks of this would see the good in our relationship and would listen to my words of how I am bettering myself and how we could work through our issues. But, she's seemingly with a new guy. WE WERE ENGAGED! I EXIST!

mtmc01, I know we see on here a lot that we have been through and relate with a lot of situations, pain, disappointment, inhuman emotional abuse and sometimes basic evil. However, there is triumph, realization, understanding, even a sense of self and accomplishment that we never thought possible after the life we just been through. One thing to remember in the beginning of recovery, our feelings can change from day to day, sometimes minute to minute (which is very familiar from spending time with BPD's) and making some sound decisions does not seem possible. However, some things that have helped me from people on here is understanding I was not going to find closure in the sense of what I thought closure was. It had to be totally closure with only me. If I based closure on what her and I came up with, it would never get to a healing process, because the questions of "what if I?", or "why don't they care?" or having happiness and peace based on how she's doing will always have us feeling like waiting for a wrong bus that never comes anyway. Making decisions to stop the bleeding by NC, with her and the famliy---and the puppy feels so bad and so hard, but gets us started to living life for us and not selling ours souls for their happiness. Please read, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=191374.0    "Today is one year after my breakup with BPDgf" from member 'exBPDgf'  I read it often. Sometimes it sucks to hear "it will get better", but when committed to "OUR" happiness instead of theirs and realizing no matter what we do, say, prove, or worry about, it will not change and we will suffer needlessly. Hope this helped. You helped me today because I know I'm not alone in the feelings I've had and continue to struggle with. Thanks.

I know exactly what you are going thorugh, its really tough, I guess we just have to learn not to take it personally.

Right now, though her eyes your are split black, she is seeing you as a bad person, she can't help the way she sees you right now, so can you blame her for not wanting to acknowledge a 'bad person'?

Its not fair on us to be treated like this, but I do believe the way they treat us is not deliberate on their behalf.