BPDFamily.com

I am interested in finding out how it went for those of you who have nBPD parent as you started counseling.   My counselor was quick to caution about using a diagnosis without a professional assessment. 

How do you know you have a good counselor?   Do you look for one with BPD experience? (they all seem to think because they studied it in school they have experience).   Or, is it better to find a counselor experienced in childhood traumas and work from there?

Thanks!

I got really lucky and found my T through my company's EAP program. I described my mother's behavior and told the counselor on the phone what I was hoping to get from T. The phone counselor "matched" me to my T, who, as it turns out, has a special interest in children of parents with BPD, even though at the time I didn't really know that my mother has BPD.

If your company doesn't have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program), there are other avenues you could try. You could ask your doctor, friends (that takes some bravery) or look online for local Ts that specialize in childhood trauma and/or BPD and call them. I've heard that sometimes you need to shop around to find one that you're truly comfortable with, so be prepared to speak with or even meet a few Ts. The more comfortable you are with the T, the more you'll get out of therapy.

I stumbled on one that specialized in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I wasn't even looking for help with BPD, I went to her for specific OCD symptoms and it opened a flood gate of "this is obviously what's wrong with your family".

My mother hasn't been formally diagnosed, but it's 100% accurate, and I learned a lot of the bad behavior from interacting with her.

My therapist had a PhD and lots of clinical inpatient and private practice experience in cognitive behavioral therapy, OCD and DBT.

It sounds like you all have found your good counselors by fate.   I think I may need to shop around.   Are there certain things to say or look for? 

I'd start by looking for the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. If they specialize in that, they probably have clinical experience with BPD.

You can buy a workbook if you want to preview the system (Marsha Lineham pioneered that program, and it has high success rates).

I shopped around for a T who has the right specializations I'm looking for. In a few days, I will see the T for the first time (after an initial phone conversation).

In the phone conversation, I very generally mentioned problems with mental illness in my family, emotional abuse and neglect I experienced growing up, and specifically lack of affection between my mother and her children. I didn't say anything about who might have which disorders.

If you have insurance that covers mental health, you can get a list of therapists from your insurance company. Good things to look for are therapists who specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy because they not only are great listeners but they offer you tools to change your behavior and your thinking.

Things that might help when you're shopping are:

-How far away the office is

-Gender

-Religion

-Cost

-If they accept insurance

-Availability

-If they specialize in trauma

For me, I called around to CBT therapists who lived nearby and who shared my gender and my religion. I picked the first one who called back because she had a nice voice. :) When I went to my first session, we talked about goals I hoped to accomplish in therapy, costs, availability, and I found she did specialize in trauma which was a huge plus.

Let us know how the search goes!