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SO's D8 told me she loved me for the first time.  :) It only took me 3 months to win her over.  lol  She also called me her step mom but I explained to her that SO and I aren't married so technically that's not true but I can be Thunderstruck and her friend.

When we were coming home from dinner saturday night SO was pumping gas and D8 said something about how he is the best. I said "I know, that's why he's my boyfriend!". Then she said "You know, you guys can get married if you want." I think it's adorable.

Just had to share, I know it takes awhile for kids of pwBPD to attach to people (ESPECIALLY when the BPD parent is targeting and trying to alienate you) and it's something I've been nervous about. So I'm doing a little happy dance and going over to the Family Law board so SO can get his CO and get it done right!

Thunderstruck,

So good to hear. So good to hear.

 |iiii

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That is awesome. I am happy for you.

What a cute story :)

I’m a stepmom-to-be and I met my skids when they were 6 and 8, both girls. Your post reminds me of how things were for us when they were that age, it is so precious, you’re right! The girls mum has always tried to poison them against me and she’s still at it today; she has never eased up and I don’t think she ever will (my skids are now 15 and almost 17).

As they got older we went through an extremely difficult phase. Because we had such a good bond to begin with and uBPD’s poison didn’t seem to take hold I never saw it coming. I always thought the younger they were, the more impressionable, so once we established a good bond that would be the end of it. But that was not the case and after a couple of years, I think they were 11 and 12, things suddenly changed. It was like uBPD finally got a hold on them. They started questioning and accusing us of some pretty awful things and I didn’t handle that very well. After all those years they should know better! Because I was so hurt and upset over it I lost my temper a couple of times and of course uBPD cashed in on that.

Realising this mistake I have worked very hard at changing my own behaviour. I didn’t want to become an angry and bitter person and I didn’t want to give uBPD the satisfaction of knowing she got under my skin. So over the past 4 years I have changed to a new and improved version of my old happy self  :). I learned to accept that the kids are affected by what their mum says and that our actions speak louder than her words; one day they’ll see things for what they really are. But I didn’t have a lot of hope that it would be any time soon.

Long story short; over the past year or so things have begun to change, and for the better. The light at the end of the tunnel, I’m so happy! The girls are starting to open up to us again and our bond is becoming better. I now realise that they always knew, deep down, that things were not how uBPD made them out to be, but they just couldn’t show it to us for some time. My partner always kept the faith.

I wanted to share this although I hope that this won’t happen to you guys of course   

Thanks for the story dutchie. I'm always worried this will happen to me as well because the uBPD bio mom blames me for all the problems in hers and D8's world. But I figure as with all relationships there will be ups and downs. (I'm fully aware that once D8 becomes a teen or tween she will hate the world and me with it so I'm bracing for that.  lol)

I just thought it'd be nice to share a happy story, because a lot of the time we post about the challenges only. I was so worried when I first met D8 that she wouldn't like me (or worse that I wouldn't like her) that I would just bawl with every visit. It was very emotional. I'm happy that her and I have connected and that she feels a bond to me. :)

Yes happy stories are great!

|iiii

GREAT story.  

It's not integral for our marriages to work by having our stepchildren love us (like poor Dutchie  ). Man, it sure can help matters, though.

I have really good relationships with my three stepdaughters. Lots of growing pains. We've been at it for 8 years and I think it took about that long to figure it out (ex-wife included). Did you know that statistically, it can take 7 years for a step-family to "settle" in?

You're off to a great start, Thunderstruck. Soak it up.  

Your story reminds me a lot of my own.  It is so sweet when they just open up and decide to love you no matter what they are hearing from BPD.